Communication

It goes a really long way. Here’s some background:

We’ve been together for 4 years almost (July). I live alone with my cat and he lives with his mom, little brother, and sister. Our first 2-3 years were..rocky. We started out as FWB and didn’t expect anything more than that. Suddenly we found ourselves in love and living together. We got too serious too fast and neither of us were ready. We both were insecure, had major trust issues, mental health problems (mainly me), and just a lot of issues. We both made mistakes (emotionally cheating-me, sexting other women-him), but after a break, taking a few steps back, a lot of arguing, and a LOT of heart to hearts we managed to work through it.

I used to blow up his phone and get mad when he didn’t instantly reply, he didn’t want to reply to the stupid number of texts I sent, it was a cycle. That all stemmed from my insecurities, I was sure that he wasn’t responding because there was someone else. That was what caused our break, he couldn’t handle me blowing up on him. He’s just not a big texter, especially when he’s with friends. He doesn’t like being on his phone when he’s hanging out, he finds it rude. After our break, we were back to seeing each other but with no label and no “I love you,” but still exclusive. We talked about things and I saw his side and he saw mine. He knows I’ve been cheated on by every single ex-boyfriend I’ve had so he understood why I got so worried. And I eventually understood why he didn’t respond much.

We have different love languages. He shows his love by being there and helping me. He sends me money for food without me asking, he’s there emotionally, and he’s here physically as much as possible. I’m more of a words/physical touch person. Communication is huge to me, even though tbh I sucked at it. We also handle stress very differently. When I’m stressed I want him. I want to see him, talk to him, anything. When he’s stressed it’s the opposite, he likes to be alone. He needs the chance to be able to calm down, usually by playing video games.

Our communication used to be very bad. When I’d go to him about things I’d come off very accusatory, making him feel like he’s a bad boyfriend. When he feels accused of something like that he gets upset and shuts down.

This message below I sent around 4am. My sleep schedule is wack right now with the Corona. He’s working from home his regular 40 hours, he works 3:30pm-12:30am. He’s usually up until like 5-6 gaming. Ive been having a really hard time with this quarantine. I have depression and anxiety, diagnosed by a doctor since I’ve noticed people needing that clarification for some reason. And everyday I can feel my mental health deteriorating. I’ve talked to him about me having a hard time and he always does his best to help. We video chat and watch tv, we’re having a virtual date on Easter since I’ll be alone, and he calls when I tell him I need to hear his voice. But tbh it’s not enough. I’m getting very lonely and I need more communication than normal. So I told him what I needed and this is how he responds. We have come so far and we’ve never been better. I just wanted to show some of you ladies what good communication looks like. You shouldn’t be scared to tell your man/woman/non-binary/etc. what you’re going through. You should be able to tell them what you need, and they should be able to tell you what they need. Good communication is one of the most important things in a relationship, coming from a woman who’s relationship when from good, to unhealthy, and finally to healthy. I also wanted to show those who are having problems in their relationship that things CAN get better if you fight for it. Now neither of us physically cheated, and for the emotional/setting it took a LOT of work to move past. But we did and we both trust each other now 100%.

I also just wanted another chance to brag on my man 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

* I also want to point out that neither of us were ever abusive in anyway. We have never called each other names out of anger and we hardly ever yell. The only times we yell we’re not really yelling at the other, just trying to be heard. I grew up in a household with a LOT of yelling so now I mentally can’t handle it. His voice raises and I cower, and this man has never even come close to laying a hand on me. But I can’t help it. Hell I had to stop seeing my therapist because he had a deep voice that sounds like yelling. If there is abuse (physical, verbal, sexual, etc.) I don’t think there’s a point to even trying to work things out. There’s certain things you can’t come back from.