What did i do wrong?

I am posting this after having a freaking mental break down so bare with me. I genuinely don’t understand what I did wrong. I am not doing well mentally at all for the past few weeks. I was just prescribed medication for depression and anxiety TODAY. I told my mom about this and she was like “that’s extreme” 😑

Literally that’s all she said.

The thing is, I carry it well. I don’t know how I do, I think it’s because I’ve learned to internalize everything. And my brother has mental health issues too but expresses it.

I don’t express it. I do well under pressure but recently that’s been fading because I’m NOT WELL. I think because I don’t express it like he does, it’s not taken as seriously.

I have been helping my brother and his girlfriend take care of their twins. Tonight their mom is really sick, like I’m gonna talk her into going to the doctor tomorrow ASAP because she’s very very sick and my brother wakes up at 3am for work. It was supposed to be and my sister taking care of the twins tonight because twins are a two people job. But then my mom was like “you’re gonna have to take care of your grandma tomorrow so you have to wake up early.

these twins are newborn babies and don’t sleep. My grandmother has cancer and can’t get out of bed by herself. I’m the adult here, my sister is a 16 year old girl and I mean it all falls on me because I’m the adult. Her plan was for me was to stay up with the twins by myself and then take care of my grandmother tomorrow with a little bit of help from my little sister.

So I go to my mom crying, I felt like I could go to her and I said “mom I am feeling really overwhelmed.”

“YOU don’t get overwhelmed. So why don’t you tell me what’s really going on.” So I said “I am, I feel like it’s too much to be expected out of me to take care of my newborn nieces and my elderly grandmother who is sick at the same time.”

She said “you better shut the fuck up right now.”

And I was just.. shook by that. I didn’t get why she was telling me to shut the fuck up? It’s like she didn’t want to hear it at all. Like she knew but didn’t want me to admit to it. My mom knows I’m not doing well mentally and I really felt like it was okay to express myself. I do not know WHY I SAID THIS to her next but I did. I looked at her and said “it was physically painful for me today, just to talk to my doctor about how I’m doing mentally, it was painful for me and I cried and I didn’t understand that. Now I do.”

And she lost her SHIT. I don’t understand her responses to me at all. She’s been acting like this since my grandmother got sick. She doesn’t make sense. She got in my face. I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t have a baby in my arms she would have hit me.

“What the fuck did you just say? Fine. You wanna be a fucking bitch all by yourself you fucking do that.” And grabbed the baby from me and told me to get the fuck out of her house. I didn’t know what to do, or what to say so I just silently walked out.

I don’t? I genuinely don’t understand what I did wrong. I am so tired mentally that I came home and had a mental break down in front of my boyfriend. If it was recorded it would have won an Oscar. I don’t know what I said either. I just came home and let it allll out. Hyperventilated to death until he hugged me.

And now I’m here. Please keep in mind that I was not being crappy. I went to my mother crying trying to have a heart to heart.