I may never have a baby.💔

Hi, I really need to just let this out. It's killing me.

I'm married, 3 years. I had an abortion 3 months into de marriage due to me being sick with Zika (mosquito transmitted disease that causes babies to be born with microcephalia if mom is pregnant and sick with Zika)

We decided to wait until my husband (who already has a Masters in Finances) finished his Bachellor on Food & Beverages (to become a chef, his dream). A few difficulties made the completion of this take a little longer and this March he was supposed to start his internship at a hotel and finally graduate in October. When he graduates our plans are for us to move to Europe and start a new life there and have our first child in a safe country that may offer better opportunities for our future babies.

Before I go on, I must say Im turning 35 this september and he will 43 in June.

Covid19 has really just screwed me over. Our plans have taken a halt and Im afraid I dont know when my husband will be able to start his internship/graduate and when we'll move to start having babies. He completely refuses on having babies in our country, Honduras.

I don't know how much more I can wait. I'm afraid I'll be too old and risk having problems during pregnancy IF I can still get pregnant easily, I'm afraid my baby will be born with complications due to my age. I've done some reading that has alarmed me quite a bit.

We had a big fight last night. I just found out my best friend of 34 yrs old is prenant with her 3rd baby and that made me realize how behind I am and how much I want to just start our family or just decide altogether to just not have any kids and make up my mind that I'll never get to be a mom and feel what it's like, feel all those emotions and see my babies face and watch them grow.

I'm so sad about this. He says it's ridiculous for me to even think of having babies right now with everything that's going on. We don't have jobs, we live off of interests he gets from his savings. We live comfortably, and the money that comes in from that let's us enjoy life without worrying, we could practically retire now with no problem at all.

He says he wants to wait to graduate, leave the country, get a job and THEN have babies.

I'll probably be 37 by then and he'll be 45!!!

I want to be a mom so bad. I'm an educator and have always wanted my own and have a family. I feel like he doesn't understand how I feel and my concerns about health risks.

Please let me know what you think or if you had babies at around that age or older and what your experience was like.

I'd appreciate it so much at this time.

Virtual xoxo to all of you reading,

MP