Old trauma? Advice please 🥺

* LONG POST AHEAD* Hey everyone. Lately I’ve had some old feelings come back and memories and I guess I just need some advice/validation? I am currently 23, I’ve been happily married for 6 months and my husband is great. I don’t know if spending so much time by myself has me thinking too much but I’m starting to wonder if I was sexually assaulted as a teen? Part of me feels guilty because i wasn’t raped or anything that serious so I feel like I shouldn’t be allowed to feel bad about what happened to me. When I was 16 me and my friends met some boys, they said they were 17 and went to another high school in my area. I got one of their phone numbers and we texted for a few days and then he asked me out. I was SO excited. I had never really been asked out before and had never even kissed anyone. He wanted to go for coffee so I of course said yes. He picked me up from my best friends house and we went for a drive. He had told me he forgot something at his house so we had to stop there quick. I guess I was naive and didn’t think much about it. He invited me in so I went. He played it off and decided we should watch a movie, it definitely didn’t sit right, but I had no way to leave and was to shy to really say anything. He started a movie and next thing I know he was on top of me kissing me. This was how I got my first kiss and it feels dirty thinking about it. I finally managed to push him off of me and I told him to stop and he forced himself on me again and gave me a huge, horrible sore hickey on my neck. I tried to push him off again and I got upset and he stopped. I only think he did because his parents were upstairs. He shut the movie off and told me we’re leaving. Drove me in silence back to my friends house and left. I went to her room and cried. I felt so violated and lied too, and ashamed. I felt dirty. My friend texted him because she was mad, where he responded “ I guess I should let you know I’m actually 21 and your friend is a 🐷”. I could care less about the pig comment but this guy was 21 praying on a 16 year old. He ruined my first kiss for me. My husband and I have had a rough patch because sometimes I panic when he randomly tries to kiss me or make out and I’m starting to wonder if that’s why? I just shut down and feel like I could cry. I feel bad because he’s just trying to be romantic and have a make out session with his wife but I hate the feeling. It makes my skin crawl. Could this be from my past experience? I wish I could tell my 16 year old self to not feel dirty and ashamed and to tell my parents. He was 21 and that was so SO wrong. I guess I’m just rambling now. I just have all these emotions and I don’t know how to deal. But I feel like a kiss isn’t that big of a deal so it shouldn’t bug me this much but it does. If you’ve made it this far thank you. I just needed to tell someone. My husband doesn’t even know. I need a hug.