How long does it take a postpartum 2nd degree tear to close and heal up? Please mamas help me out 😓

4 weeks PP And Im embarrassed. I had second degree tearing in 4 different directions. The pain was excruciating the few days after birth. I barely just started walking somewhat normally this morning. I still feel tender and sore, but im also finally able to sit down more comfortably.

Im embarrassed because i havent looked down there yet. I havent even touched around my vagina entrance, or any of the surrounding area. Im scared to even touch my clit or go below that. Therefore, i havent been able to feel clean and good down there.

The day i gave birth, i had a freshly shaven vagina, but now i have more hair down there, which im not used to at all, so its also hard to see.

(I havent even spread my vagina lips!! Because im scared its going to hurt so bad!!) its causing me to feel so dirty and disgusted with myself.

I dont know if this is all just mental and im overthinking. But i feel like im really struggling. I feel traumatized by how painful everything was after delivering.

My fear is that im going to rip a stitch back open, and im going to tear again and everythings gonna open back up.

Ive been waiting to finally look with a mirror down there until i was pain free, but being a month out, i wonder if i should so i can clean myself thoroughly finally.

Pleeasee mamas help me out 😓