We have been married 6 years.

I know there isn’t a compromise on children. I’ve always wanted children, and it feels worse because if i hadn’t met my husband i would still want them, and i still do but he does not and claims he will not change his mind (as he shouldn’t). We were on the same page about having a child the past couple years (or so I thought yet he claims he did it for me but who talks about kids and tries for a year with their spouse like that?) but he decided he would actually rather not. I don’t want them right now anymore knowing he doesn’t but I still want them one day. I will not try to have kids with him when he doesn’t want it. I would never tie him down like that. He says he’s depressed, he’s not happy with being in the military, he feels like he doesn’t have what makes him happy, and he wouldn’t be able to have what he wants, “it’ll ruin everything.” Kids are a huge responsibility so i get it.

I know neither of us can be truly happy if we pursue this, at least I don’t think so. I feel like we would resent each other if we stay together. Neither of us want to split and we have both said we want us to work but we don’t know what to do at this point.

I try to convince myself I could be ok living childfree, but every time I think of what could have been and all the times I’ve imagined myself as a mother, it’s like I’m grieving all over again that it won’t happen. A constant reliving. I just feel so terrible and conflicted and sad. We love each other. We’ve been through so much together. I want to give him time and space. I want us to focus on ourselves while we’re working on our marriage. However, if he doesn’t change his mind next year or in two years, I hate to even say that I would have to walk away but what makes me sad is the fact we never fell out of love with each other. We wouldn’t be together bc we wouldn’t be able to give each other what we want to have in life. I’m heartbroken.

We could try couple’s counseling but he doesn’t want to but it also seems like a pretty huge incompatibility. He’s deploying shortly and maybe this space is what we need. I have a couple years until I’m finished with my bachelors degree. I feel like maybe that should be my time limit? Every day I feel broken over all this. A man I loved & still love for 6 years, thought we were on the same page all along until to not seeing this is where our marriage would be today.