Hate my marriage

Been with my husband for 16 years (I’m 33), been married for 8, have a 3 year old and a baby that’s due any day now and I hate my marriage.

I don’t like my husband, he treats me like shit, I treat him like shit, I don’t trust him (for good reason), he lies about every little thing, he doesn’t listen to me speak about literally anything and never has any idea what’s going on because he doesn’t ever hear me, he doesn’t take responsibility for anything he does wrong, he acts like a child, acts really stupid most of the time to the point that it’s hard to be around him, he’s nasty and rude, has really bad hygiene..

I try to just stay away from him and talk to him as little as possible but at night after our son goes to bed all hell always breaks loose. If I could leave I’d be gone already. The thought of divorcing him is like the most calming and best thought. But I’m from a divorced home and I absolutely hated it and it ruined my childhood. All I want to do is hide our problems from our kids and be happy and civil together around them and then just stay the hell away from him after they go to bed. I’d live like that for the rest of my life if it comes to that so both of their parents are together and seemingly normal. I literally don’t care about my “happiness” what makes me happy is if my kids are happy. I don’t want them having to split time between 2 houses and share holidays and not see their Daddy at bedtime. He’s a good Dad just a terrible friend and husband.

We won’t have a chance to get counseling for a long time and I honestly don’t even want to try.. I’m 100% convinced that he has a learning disability and that going to counseling would just be a huge waste of time and money. I don’t even know why I wrote this or what I’m looking for. I just feel alone and sad