I figured since it’s been almost a week and I have a whole ten minutes to myself, I will take a few of those minutes to write my birth story.

To preface, my twins had been breech since about 24 weeks. I had been devastated at the news and tried all the stretching/positions I could find to try to get them to turn. Lo and behold—I was destined for a c-section. I wasn’t afraid—it just was never in my birth plan. I had dreamed of this beautiful labor and delivery and the magical golden hour of bonding and immediate breast feeding... All of those dreams were dashed!

I came to terms with it about a week before my scheduled c-section date, but it didn’t make it any easier emotionally. I honestly felt ripped off.

When the day finally came, I woke up oddly at peace. I got up at 3am before my alarm, showered and pampered myself for the last time as a pregnant woman. My husband and I drove to the hospital where I was screened for COVID-19 and sent to the pre-op area to get hooked up to the monitors/IV started, etc..

My husband was with me for all of the process except for the screening and it was honestly just a calm, routine surgical experience—I didn’t really get the “feels” that a lot of moms will get when they enter their L&D. He was so calm he even fell asleep in the chair waiting! I was still a bundle of nerves so after signing what feels like 100 consents and watching my husband put on his surgical suit, it finally hit me as they come to walk me to the OR—I’m about to meet my babies!!

As I walk into the OR, I am immediately hit by a wall of cold—burrrrrrr! That’s when I started to get a little nervous. I told them I had to pee but I was in too deep—I would have a catheter soon. I sat on the itty bitty surgical table and waited as they hooked up my vitals and tried to find both babies on the monitors. Once everyone was set, the fun part—the spinal block! Yowza. That was uncomfortable. It only took a few minutes to get that set but it felt like an eternity...

When they lay me back on the table I start to shake a bit. I can start to feel the numbing kick in but am still cold and can feel them place the Foley catheter. Weird feeling. I start to freak out internally thinking, “holy crap, the spinal isn’t working!!”. Turns out it was fine as the longer I lay there, the less I can feel. When they go to set up the drape, it becomes REAL! Lol

My husband finally meets me but the second he comes in, they turned on the heat for me but I got so nauseous I just knew I was about to vomit. I took my mask off because I was going to lose it if I didn’t. Doc says it’s go time and the surgery begins!

Oddest experience of my life. It didn’t feel like a birth to me at all but I knew that something was going on because of all of the tugging and pulling I felt. (Mind you, this does not hurt at all.) I hear someone shout “uterine” and felt a wave of emotion as I knew my babies would be here in seconds.

My daughter was born first at 37 weeks, 5 days at 8:47am: she weighed 5 lbs and 11 oz and was 18.3 inches long. They show her to me for just a second before taking her to do the newborn screenings and I patiently wait for my son. He was born at 8:49am and weighed 6 lbs 7 oz at 19.5 inches long. They didn’t show me my son. They called dad out to go with the babies and I’m left there wondering how my family is doing.

After an unknown number of minutes, they bring my daughter to me and I am amazed at how gorgeous and alert she is! She is brought to my face and looks me directly in the eyes as I talk to her and kiss her precious face. My husband tells me that my son is having a hard time breathing but I’ll get to see him soon. They first time I see him, he is swaddled with oxygen tubes in his nose. I don’t get to touch him or look at him longer than 5–10 seconds before he is taken to the complex nursery. Dad stays with baby girl and they go to a recovery room while my surgery continues. It felt like it took a very long time to get stitched back together as I lay there worrying about my babies.

When they finally wheel me to recovery, I get to hold my baby girl for the first time! They tell me that she’s hungry and I am so ready for her to latch. I ask about my son and am assured he’s doing well and is just being monitored on oxygen but that they’re weaning him off. As I get to enjoy my first bonding with my daughter, my heart is aching for that first twin mom moment with both of my babies and I need my son with me.

We are moved to a post partum room after a hour or so and I’m assured that my son will meet us up there—he’s off of oxygen and doing great. When we’re settled and I finally hear the knock at the door, my emotions come crashing over me. As my son is placed on my chest and I beginning nursing them both, I begin bawling just knowing that both of my babies are with me and safe.

We were released from the hospital less than 36 hours after our delivery and, while the discharge experience was another story entirely, we were happy to be headed home with our beautiful, healthy babies!

I hope my story can help other moms come to terms with their c-section and learn what to expect and how to deal...

I’m so thankful to have my beautiful babies. They have latched like champs since day one and, now that my milk has come in and we continue to tandem nurse, I hope that we can overcome this jaundice and get back to our birthweight ASAP!!

Millie Lane and Maverick Lee 04/17/2020