So I am married for 3 years been together for about 4. We have a 9(almost 10 year old) from my husband’s first marriage who we have 50/50 custody of , a 10 mo old and I’m 22w pregnant with our daughter.

Lately I feel my stepdaughter is actively trying to cause a rift between my husband and I. She also blatantly disrespects me by not listening when I ask her to do something and not answering or acknowledging that I’m saying anything to her at all. She classifies yelling as pointing out when she’s disobeying a rule or something she’s been asked to do. When my husband shows love toward me I.e. rubbing my belly, giving me a hug or kiss she tells my husband that I “hate her” and “yell at her” I told my husband next time she says that to give examples as to what I do that is hateful or yelling.

Today’s saga my husband and I were both working remotely and the 10mo old was just toddling around. Hubby asked her to either read her vook for school or go to her toy room and find soemthing to do. She sat and moped for 5 minutes and I said “why aren’t you listening to daddy?” I also explained why daddy was asking her to go do something so the baby could have some time where he explored his toys himself for brain development. She ignored me sat in the middle of the family room like I wasn’t even there.

What is worse is my husband let her do this. We JUST had this giant conversation on Tuesday about how she treats me refuses to listen and is actively trying to cause disagreements between us. He acknowledged this and said he has addressed it with her. We have actually had this conversation multiple times. Anyways I don’t know what to do.

He goes on and on how we have to be a united front with our son and daughter but when it comes to our 9 year old we are never a united front, even when I am helping him.

I’m heartbroken, I love him with all my heart and treat her just like she’s my own. But he goes well you have changed to her, I go how? Bc a 10mo old requires my attention the majority of the day and at 10years old she should understand that a baby would need me. I still do everything for her and make special treats for her and am involved but the more she acts like this the less I want involved. I should also mention she makes a conscious effort to make sure there is no where for me to sit near him when I come down from putting the baby to sleep. I have also brought this up to my husband but he doesn’t feel like it is intentional.

Idk I guess I’m just feeling defeated and heartbroken.