Me and my husband are currently separated due to his anger and alcohol issues. I live in an apartment alone with our infant son. He's moved back in with his parents. During the quarantine we had sex ONCE, then, BOOM! Pregnant.

He's excited, but I am literally terrified to go through what I've been through the past year again. I didn't have enough support, on top of being anxious all the time about having a newborn in the house with an alcoholic. The house was always a mess, I was doing nights and days by myself all week (he would take over on the weekends), he was spending a lot of time and money at the bar. Coming home, arguing with me about dumb stuff because he was drunk. It was just an awful experience for a first time mother.

As crazy as it sounds, we do love each other. We're good friends and enjoy each other's company. I know he loves our son as well. His issues have honestly just been crippling to me and the relationship. Right now, he's trying to get his life together and get control of his drinking, especially with another baby on the way. He wants to buy a house, so I can stay home with the babies for awhile and not work.

But I'm so traumatized from the last experience, I'm more scared/anxious/depressed about it than excited. I just keep waiting for his issues to come back any second. Moreover, I'm still hurting from everything that has already happened. Getting rid of my baby is just a burden I'm not willing to bear. Has anyone been in a similar situation before or have any advice? I'm super overwhelmed right now 😭