I’m 40 and my boyfriend is 31. We’ve been dating for almost 4 years. I have a great career and so does he. We both make a very comfortable living and our relationship for the most part is good. Up until about a year ago, I didn’t think I wanted to have any more children. I have an 11 year old daughter from a previous marriage. My boyfriend doesn’t have any children. On and off we’ve had the conversation about having a child. When I had my IUD removed , he took me to the doctor and picked me up afterward. Shortly thereafter I could tell he had some reserves although he would often times say he wanted a child too. His actions and his words don’t matchup. One minute he’s ok with it , then other times he says he’s afraid. Neither of his parents raised him, they’re “deadbeats”. He’s great with my daughter and is the god parent to his BF’s child, however he’s still unsure.

Today I outright told him that my ovulation week is approaching and I wanted to try for a baby. His response to me was , he’s not ready for a baby now. I’m up in age and reality says I don’t have much time left. I’ve made a doctors appointment for June 10 to have an egg analysis completed. However I wanted to give it a honest try before I go to that appointment. I wanted to conceive naturally if possible. I’ve prayed and ask God to preserve my body so that I can have a second normal healthy birth and child. But how is that possible now ?? I feel like I’ve wasted my remaining good fertile years. 😔

After the conversation earlier with him , my heart is broken. I’m so sad , I’m about to get in the shower and just cry.