Husband “cheating”

I never thought this would be me.. this would never be me. I would never. I’m strong. Independent. I wouldn’t stay if my husband ever cheated. No not me, I’m not “one of those girls” I’m stronger than that... This is what I’ve told myself for years.

Today I found out that my husband was Snapchatting a girl for the two weeks before I gave birth (I’m currently 6 weeks pp) they go to nursing school together and it started out as harmlessly getting note from each other. But he says he unintentionally developed feelings for her because shes so similar to me (looks and I guess personality) he claims (and she also claims) that it was nothing more than a friendship conversation wise. They talked about school and work and he gave her relationship advice (telling her to leave her druggy boyfriend) but the thing is.. he admitted to thinking she was pretty and easy to talk to and he still pursed talking to her multiple times a week for two weeks (he says) he hid it from me the entire time. I found out because his Snapchat points jumped up 600 points over a month or so (yes I knew his number because I had a gut feeling something was wrong but then I forgot about it until today and I looked) (I don’t use my Snapchat ever) so he had some feelings for her and though she was attractive and still talked to her and hid it from me, that’s cheating right??? When I questioned him about the point jump he instantly got on his phone and went to the other room. He later admitted to deleting the messages and removing her from his friends list because he said “I thought you’d think I was cheating and it wasn’t like that” so I never saw any messages, I’m just going off what he has told me. So he deleted the conversation because I guess if I would have read it he thinks I would have thought he was cheating. So that means he’s had enough of an emotional connection to her to where I’d think he was cheating and he didn’t want me to see it... and yet I’m still here. This wasn’t supposed to be me. I’m supposed to be stronger than this. Supposed to leave. It’ll probably happen again. I know that. Then what? I stay again? I have a 6 week old baby. And all I can think about is her. My parents were divorced and it was a horrible experience for me. I don’t want that for my baby girl. Not without putting in 110% to try to fix this. We agreed on marriage counseling. But honestly I feel so betrayed and broken right now. The baby is at his aunts house for the night. He’s in his office doing schoolwork and I’m sitting in bed crying and drinking a whole bottle of wine. Please I just need someone to give me advice. My mind is just in shock and I can’t think. I’m supposed to be strong and be able to leave but I can’t because I can’t do that to my baby girl..

I honestly feel like I’ve tried so hard to be a good wife and make him happy but I feel like I’m not good enough. Like I did something wrong. And I honestly just want to die right now, I don’t think I can try any harder than I already have.. I’ve been handling my postpartum depression well with medication but right now I just feel so broken. I’m not going to do anything to endanger my life.