Terrified of Surgery

I’m 35 weeks with my second and we’re planning to have a repeat c section because I had a complicated labor with my first that ended in a c section. The reason I can’t try for a VBAC is because that hospital shut down and we can’t obtain the medial records. I’m absolutely terrified of having surgery again and something going wrong. I think my anxiety is getting the best of me! My first labor they did 6 epidural attempts and could not get the needle in correctly. I could have been paralyzed so this time around I’m not sure I want an epidural.. but I also don’t want to be completely knocked out & not be able to do skin to skin & breastfeed right away. I’m so conflicted! Please send encouragement because I’m having so much anxiety just thinking about it 😩🤞🏽🙏🏽