wish he could understand

i wish my boyfriend could understand my anxiety right now. he left me while i was pregnant, he begged me for a chance to be a good boyfriend, left me in the hospital after having a csection, didnt even touch the baby for three weeks after i was home, made me live with my dad for that time. then one day he completely changes and is a great dad and boyfriend. then this week he’s been a bit distant so tonight i asked him if everything was okay because the last time he was acting like this he left me. he only responded with a link to OCD reassurance and said “this might help” he doesn’t understand that i ask for reassurance because of his behavior. he actually said to me that he can’t marry me until i get my depression and anxiety under control... i just had my daughter 5 1/2 weeks ago. i’m still just trying to recover, figure out motherhood, and manage making everything easier on everyone else. i didn’t know that me asking for reassurance for the first time since we got back together was being OCD. i don’t think i can do this anymore with him.