Men or boys🙄

I’ve legitimately come to a conclusion I will be single forever. I have only fallen in love and had sex with 2 males, the first I lost my virginity got engaged and then found out he lied about getting tested and gave me herpes. Which has put a huge damper on any relationship with a guy I like. Then I found someone who wasn’t very bothered by it, I was with him for 4 months and he was always accusing me for stuff, threatening to hurt me, threatening to hurt my friends, and what happened that finally put an end to that is he pulled a gun on me. I’ve been called a slut, a whore, a hooker, and others. My friends made jokes about my herpes and called me stupid for the relationships I was in. I honestly thought they were right about it all. For a while I hated myself and my body, I blamed myself for getting herpes and blamed myself for how I was treated by my mental abuser.

No I don’t have faith that some guy out there will look past my std and see me. I think people aren’t very informed on the matter in the first place. I still find myself in dark places thinking about how I’m so disgusted with myself. I haven’t been able to say the whole truth about what I’ve been through to my friends and family but I’ve given pieces and all I’ve really heard back is an “I told you so”.

I’m trying to find peace with all of this but I feel so alone.