Is this selfish?

Question

I feel like this sounds selfish at times but the thought of having kids does not bring me joy at this very moment. I’m only 20 so I know I shouldn’t feel rushed but at the same time I do because I don’t want to be an “old mom” or have children late or risk the chance of not being able to have them. But I want my freedom and I want to be able to live part of my life without being responsible for another part of me. I want to travel and do things for myself, I don’t see myself having kids until my late 30’s which I worry about. It feels like I don’t have time, life feels so rushed. I know I do want kids just not now and not for a while, I hope this isn’t selfish of me. My niece is currently 1 and she’s not even my child but when she comes over to my moms house I cannot handle taking care of a 1 year old, it’s such a huge thing and at times I have to be alone because it’s back and forth with the baby and constantly watching her. Seriously props to all mothers out there, you guys are amazing.

Answer

It’s definitely not selfish. Selfish would be having a baby and bringing a life into this world knowing you are not ready and don’t want a kid right now. 30s is not old. Maybe that’s how you see that age because you’re only 20 but it really isnt. Don’t worry about kids, just enjoy life and experience all the good crazy things about being young. Have babies when you feel is right

Answer

I’m around your age and I literally feel the same way. Don’t feel bad for having that mindset. Have children when you are READY in every aspect - physically, mentally, and financially so you can give them the best possible upbringing. There are far too many babies being born / raised in broken homes simply because the parents weren’t ready and didn’t take additional measures.
My boyfriend was an oops... his mom was 19 when she had him and his dad wasn’t around for a while. His dad wasn’t even there for his birth. He feels some inner guilt for ‘ruining’ his mother’s life, which obviously isn’t true because she raised him wonderfully, but he always wonders what his mother would be if she never had him. It’s an awkward topic and I don’t like talking to him about it.

Answer

You are the farthest thing from selfish. Selfish would be having a child when you really weren't ready and then being abusive or neglectful. You are smart. Full stop.
Listen, theres so much pressure to hurry up and have kids. There really isnt such a huge rush. Many women are having kids well into their 30s. I'm one of them!
Live now, experience life, travel, be carefree, sleep in...do it ALL. Then, when you are ready, settle down and have your baby. You will be doing your kid a favor to be honest. A calm, happy, fulfilled, stable, financially secure, experienced mom of 38 is a much better deal for a kid than a frazzled, miserable, FOMO obsessed, unstable mom of 21 on ANY day of the week. (I'm NOT saying that all 21 year olds are this, please extinguish your torches ladies)
Do you now...so you can go all in later. 
Best of luck.

Answer

Remember how different you were when you were 10? See how much has changed in 10 years? So imagine another 10 years from now. When you’re 30, you may feel different because thats just life. And you’re even thinking you’re not going to want children until late thirties.
Your feelings are completely normal. I had ZERO desires to have children at that age. I loved my nieces and nephews, but I wasn’t ready and did not see myself ready at all for a long time. 
So yup, lived a fun, crazy and fantastic 20’s. I got lucky and met the man of my dreams at age 23 so we had a blast for years! 
Once we neared 30, for me, baby fever came on full force. And all of a sudden I was as ready as I could ever be to have a baby. 
Enjoy life. Don’t get hung up having to definitively define yourself and your point of views on certain topics. It will change and mature along with you.

Answer

Omg do not have kids until you’re ready/really want them. There is absolutely noting wrong with living your life without kids. You will be more stable by the time you’re 30+ anyways that it’s actually a good time to have kids. You should go live your life and figure out who you are and what you want for yourself. I had my son at 21 and don’t regret it but also wish I would have waited a few more years because things changed and I ended up changing careers so going back to school etc. I just wish I was more set up and stable before having him so I wouldnt be scraping by as much as I do.
I mean he’s very well taken care of, and his dad has a good job. But just for myself I feel like I could of done better. So yes just live your 20s, get a good job, get a house, get married, then have kids.

Is this selfish?

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