I just can’t

Let me just start by saying someone’s fertility is none of my business.

I was okay with my instagram being filled with excepting mothers. I was okay seeing them so excited about their pregnancy and I am still so happy for them! But, I just saw someone announce their third child after only six months after having their second. Like I said someone’s fertility isn’t my business but, I couldn’t help be so incredibly sad. I yearn to see those two pink lines. I yearn to experience pregnancy. I yearn to raise my child. I yearn to be a mother. I feel so sad because my husband and I tried for almost two years but nothing. We’ve also had unprotected sex for two years and no surprise pregnancy either. I am so upset that the one thing my body is suppose to do, isn’t happening. I am so scared that I will never have children and I am just mentally exhausted from all of this. I am tired and I am crying as I type this. At this point I am done. Like genuinely done with ever hoping for a child. I no longer have the strength for this journey. I think it’s time to put away the hope of ever having children and move on because I can’t do this anymore. I can’t with the sadness of negatives month after month. I can’t with the fear of possibly infertility or the thought of receiving such diagnosis. I think tonight I will cry my last tears and push away the yearning. I will lock up my wish for children and move on for my sake. I thank everyone for all the advice I have received and I hope you all receive those two pink lines with healthy babies.

Whether it’s dramatic or not I needed to let it out.