I gave birth to my son back in November of 2018. Everything that happened was so unwanted and so opposite of what I wanted my birth plan to look like. Even though I got my amazingly wonderful and healthy baby boy as a result of these events, I still want to write down as much as I can remember. If you read all of this, I appreciate it! 🥰

November 24, 2018, I was goin in for a check up on my 41 week pregnancy. My midwife wanted my to get an adjustment with the chiro before hand to see if we could naturally induce. I had already tried everything else! Spicy foods, castor oil 🤮, and walking everywhere, etc..! 😩

We got to the chiro, I got my adjustment, and as he pushed on my low back, it felt like I peed myself.. I didn’t say anything till me and my man got back in the car, heading to the birthing center. Once there, I went straight to the toilet and noticed what looked like membrane(?) bits in my “pee”. I realized that must not be pee. There was also a slight greenish hue to it, later found out it was meconium. My boy had pooped inside me. Not a lot, but enough to make, me giving birth, more urgent.

After telling the midwives what was going on, they got things moving. Started readying the labor room, telling me that I am now going to be there till I give birth, etc... I walked a lot, and sat on a ball, but nothing was happening. I felt no contractions. In fact, when they stuck a catheter in me and force-dilated me to about an 8, (super fucking painful by the way!) I called my family, thinking it was time for them to head over. When they got there, they were all in shock at how un-phased I was during all this. I was laughing, smiling, I really felt no pain, other than that catheter.

A handful of hours passed, and I started to feel really bad that I had gathered our families so early, because I was not progressing past a 4.. my dilation had gone back down.. (my midwives did not inform me of that though, I wasn’t aware of going back down till I got to the hospital).

I eventually was told that my family should probably leave, because the stress I was getting from them ‘being there for nothing’ was making me feel worse. So they left for the night, and my man and I were left to hope things progressed.

My midwife (who, by the way, was still a student at the time, unbeknownst to me!! She told me she was the head midwife! 😡) did not seem worried that I was not progressing. She casually suggested that if I wanted to spend the night in the hospital, I might be able to get some sleep while the baby’s monitored. Or I could stay at the birthing center and, again, hope things start to move along..

I opted for the hospital, since the longer I went with no pain/dilation, the more worried I became. So having the baby monitored sounded reassuring. We got to the hospital at about 2am, now the 25th of November. There was no one there, so we got into a labor room pretty quickly.

As soon as we got situated in the room however, we had about 3 nurses coming in and out of the room getting me hooked up to the monitors (which kept slipping off) and getting my info and what not.

The monitors were having a really hard time staying on, since I was huge!!!! (I was 180lbs before getting pregnant, and I had gained about 60lbs during) One of the nurses, (we can call her Nurse Bitch) tried to get me to put on some ‘monitoring shorts’(?) they help keep the monitors in place. But these shorts were tiny!! I tried to tell her that they would not fit me. She kept insisting, “Oh they’ll stretch!”. After several attempts to tell her otherwise, I tried to put them on.. I couldn’t even get them past my knees..... 😑 Nurse Bitch then, after accepting defeat, proceeds to probe my vagina to see how dilated I am. She shoved 3 fingers up there and moved them so fast, I thought she was trying to do a membrane sweep!! It hurt so bad, she was not gentle at all!

After getting told that I cannot get any rest, like I thought I could, the nurses kept trying to push me to take Pitocin. I did not want to. I wanted to go as natural as I could! I wanted to be that momma that reached the level of pain that childbirth puts you through to gain that ‘momma’ title! But that did not happen.

Nurse Bitch kept telling me that I had no option but to take Pitocin, because the doctor on call would want me to take it. While one of the nicer nurses told me that if I really didn’t want it, they could haggle with the doctor and see what else we could do. We ended up doing a very slow drip. I told the nice nurse that I did not want Nurse Bitch to care for me anymore, and she obliged. Over the next little bit, they upped the amount every so often, cuz they were seeing no progress, (still!). With all the Pitocin, I finally started having contractions. Super painful and forced, contractions..

I was told that since there was no change, I would have to really consider the chance of needing to do a c-section to get him out. At this point, it had been about 24 hours since my water had broke, and we were running out of time to wait for things to happen naturally..

Because they mentioned a possible c-section, when they offered an epidural (for about the 3rd or 4th time), I was more inclined to actually get one (I REALLY did not want one!). I knew they would need to give me one anyway if I were to go into operation. So after the neurologist(?) explained more of what goes into an epidural, I decided to get one. He was very gentle and respectful of me during the whole process.

The epidural happened around 6ish in the evening. I had been ‘in labor’ for over 30 hours at this point.

Once they tested to make sure the epidural took, they were wheeling me into surgery. After getting my reluctant approval. They got my big ass, pregnant self onto that pencil thin operating table, and tested my belly with a cold water bottle to make sure I was numb. The next thing I remember is hearing my baby boy, crying on the other side of the room!

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I didn’t find out until after he was born that, and we were in recovery, that he had the umbilical chord wrapped around his throat TWICE! (I feel like that was something my midwife should have had, at least, on the back of her mind once she realized I wasn’t progressing.. but oh well..😒)

I am really glad things happened the way they did, as shitty as they were. If I had gone natural, now knowing that the chord was wrapped, twice, we both may not have survived the birth.

When I told my midwife that, in a ‘I’m trying to look on the positive side’ kind of way, she took such offense! I guess to her, that was the same as saying, “I’m glad I didn’t go natural with you there, because you don’t have the knowledge or capabilities to do what you would have needed to do!” 🙄

After all that had happened, I really needed my midwife’s support, but she was too butt-hurt and prideful to give that to me. She just kept trying to ‘prove her knowledge’ on our last post-natal meetings.. 😒😔

Thank you for listening! I really needed to get this out! 😩☺️

I’ll end this with some pictures, because I always love seeing all the baby pictures on here!!

Also, him now, at 18 months!!