I just need to vent

I have found that I spend almost every minute of the day hating myself. Everything about me I hate. I don’t what happened to me... I used to love every inch of who I am and now I’m disgusted. I finished my first year of college and haven’t been the same since. The amount of trauma I have endured ruined me. And physically I find that I am always sick. Every since I was manipulated into losing my virginity to a man I barely knew I’ve been messed up. I had constant yeast infections and vaginal burning. I have been with 2 since and one is my boyfriend now. I am clean from STDs and STIs. I test equivocal (1.1) for Genital herpes. I never had an outbreak or anything and was told that I had a false positive blood test and not to worry or bother with it. Even though I know I’m fine I’m scared it might just randomly show up on day. I’m disgusted at myself for even having sex to begin with, with someone who emotionally abused and manipulated me. I’m crushed I walk around everyday hating myself for it. I feel like at 20 I’ve lost my way. I have a boyfriend who loves me more than anyone and wants to marry me one day and I’m so self absorbed in my pity party idk what to do. I just need some guidance or advice. I’ve been doing a lot better lately and I’m pretty happy now. But every once and a while I lose my way and then find it again. Ladies how have you overcome feelings of feeling bad about yourself and your choices? I know I probably have typos please read them haha