❗️TW❗️My boyfriend put his hands on me

Long post i am sorry. I know it’s not my fault but I feel like i instigated it.. I don’t want to leave him but I don’t know what to do. Basically i have a group of friends mixed up with girls and guys & theres 12 of us who are really close. The most recent time i had hung out with all of them was before covid started but basically one of the guys told me he wants to fuck me. They all know my boyfriend very well because a lot of us went to high school together & they do know we are together . We were a little tipsy when he admitted that but i still went home and told my boyfriend because I didn’t want to be sneaky about it and he was mad (not at me) and he got over it. Fast forward- my one girl friend has a birthday coming up so we all decided to meet up at her place last night and drink and have fun to celebrate and finally see each other again. I had told my boyfriend 3 days ago i was doing this and he didn’t care because he never cares where i go. Yesterday early in the day he asked me who was going to be there and i told him who would be there (including the guy who said he wanted to fuck me) and he kind of laughed and said “no you’re not going”. I didn’t really think he was serious. Around 8pm he had 3 friends over and i sat with them for a little bit & then i got up and told him i was going to get ready and he asked for what & i said so and so’s birthday and he didn’t answer. I went upstairs and got ready and put on an outfit which was only ripped jeans and a crop top that showed some cleavage. He came upstairs like 10 min later came in the room and asked why i was getting ready & i told him he already knew why. He said “no i dont cause you’re not going” & i asked why and he said because ___ would be there. I told him so would 7 other people and he caught an attitude and said “ok so i can go hang out with a female that says she wants to fuck me?” And i said ya because i trust you. He said “it’s not about trust it’s the fact that I don’t want him having the satisfaction of being able to hang out with you when he’s made it clear he wants to fuck you” & i said “so it’s a pride thing. Im still going because i want to see my other friends I can’t control where he goes and what he does but i wont talk to him”. He slammed the door and we argued from there & he told me to “take that shit off” (my going out clothes lol) and i told him no cause i was going and he came over and RIPPED my shirt off of me. Then he threw his sweatpants at me and told me to put them on and get comfortable cause im not going anywhere. I put them on and he was screaming at me & said “you want to act like a hoe then fine you’re single but you’re still not going anywhere tonight” and i started crying & his 1 friend came up to see if everything was good cause he was making a whole bunch of noise & punched a hole in the wall. I told him I wouldn’t go anymore and he went downstairs. A little while later maybe 30 minutes i was still really upset and startled because he had never acted like that even though he does have anger problems. I decided to go stay at my moms for the night. I walked downstairs in sweats and a hoodie (I obvi wasn’t going to the get together) and just tried to get out the door before he could say anything but he saw me and jumped up from the couch and grabbed my arm while i was halfway out the door. He was grabbing me so tight and dragged me back in the door & I started fighting him and tried to push him away from me to get him back and it pissed him off and he SLAMMED me as hard as he possibly could into the wall and i hit my head. His friends got up and pulled him off of me as soon as they could but he kind of jumped back forward and grabbed my neck and pushed me back against the wall and was yelling “what the fuck is wrong with you” and they got him back off me but I could tell they couldn’t rlly hold him long because he was incredibly mad so i ran upstairs and locked myself in his room. I could hear them calming him down and 10 min later he came up and unlocked the door and apologized and we talked and he started crying. I stayed with him last night and today told him i needed some time to think and be away from him and he told me he understands and he loves me and he’s sorry again. I left this morning and am staying at my friends house right now. Im not even really sure where to go from here. We’re young only 20 but i love him and in 5 years he’s never done this kind of thing to me. I did push him first.. i just don’t know what to make of it all and i need some advice😢