Venting

I have nnobody to talk to. I feel SO alone. I'm a young mom, 21, a 2 year old, 10 month old and my bc failed me so another on the way. My relationship with my SO has been up and down the 5 years we've been together, but the last few years have been terrible. Nothing he does wrong ssurprises me anymore. I wouldnt put much past him. I dont honestly want to have another baby with him. This should be a happy time and it just seems so terrible. He works a lot and travels for it a lot. He just got home from a month in Alabama. It was great just texting and calling him. Everything seemed so good and perfect and I couldnt wait for him to get home. He was even planning on surprising me by coming back early. He's been back 2 days now and things are bad again. Today we went to his family get together, then had mine but he refused to come, so I told him I was gonna go and leave the boys, it would give me the break I havent had in a month. Well as soon as I say that he tells me to find a ride because I'm not taking the car. Too embarrassed to ask someone for a ride so I let it go. I mentioned taking the kids and he immediately told me to go and I could take the car. I wanted him to come to help, my toodler got tired so I asked him if maybe he'd pick him up and he told me no because its not his problem and I need to figure it out. I've called, texted, no answer and had to leave my family early to come home to no help. I'm exhausted.