Feeling so lost😞

So my partner of 3 years and I have an 8 month old, and I’m 10 weeks pregnant with number 2. The second wasn’t planned and has been quite a strain on our relationship.

4 weeks ago I had a weird feeling when I was around him. He was off, hiding his phone and just acting weird. I managed to log into his snapchat, which I would never do unless I thought something was up, nor have I ever done before because we normally have no secrets so don’t hide things.

Turns out he’s been snapchat messaging his ex. I flipped because it’s not the first time it’s happened. I made very clear how I felt about it last time and he deleted her. I was distraught, I just couldn’t believe he’d do it again. Me and her have a history from when we were in school. She bullied me a lot.

I hate snapchat anyway, I think the whole thing is shady. All the messages are deleted so there’s no way to know what was said. I questioned what was talked about and his answers were “stuff” and “nothing”. Which were really helpful! I feel like I’ve lost so much trust. I have major trust issues from a previous relationship which I’ve tried so hard to work through, but this has just set me right back. He also has been cheated on, which I know messaging isn’t that extreme, but I would have thought better of him to even cause any doubts.

I just don’t know what to think or feel any more. I haven’t stopped thinking about it over the past 4 weeks. It plays on my mind daily. He says he was in a bad place and made a mistake. Which upset me even more that he thinks he can’t talk to me about things. I’ve always tried so hard to be an open book, I talk to him about everything in the hope he feels he can do the same! But that’s his family’s influence. They’re terrible for not talking and ignoring their problems. I’m still not getting any straight answers as to why he did it. All he says is he doesn’t know why. Can’t help but feel I’m not getting the whole story😞