Wanted to vent about my sex life and relationship 😢

So 2 weeks ago I found out that my husband downloaded a dating app and msged a girl saying “your hot :)”

She never answered, but ever since I saw that my self esteem is bad. I was and continue to be hurt because he barely even compliments me, and also a dating app? REALLY?

I’ve been feeling self conscious since, don’t even like it when he sees me naked...

Well yesterday we were both in the mood and decided to do it, 10 minutes later I notice his binder was going down, he told me it was going down because he had to go pee. I don’t know much about how it works for men down there so I believed it for a minute, and then I remembered the message. I started to cry while he was in the bathroom and I tried to get over it but I couldn’t... he reassured me that he just wanted to pee, but nothing can convince me at this point.

Today we wanted to continue where we left off, and it was great! Sorry for the TMI, but he then wanted to change positions to doggy style, and he started to finger me like that. He was taking long to go in and that’s when I started to assume that he was going soft again...

I quickly turned around, and just as expected!!!!

I then layed down and got sad again... he then said that he didn’t know what was going on with him, and he layed down right next to me.

I obviously started to cry because I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him anymore.

He said he promises that it has nothing to do with me, that he is the problem... but after seeing that message and seeing a women more attractive than me with a nicer body, how can I not think that I’m the problem?

Now I just feel so ugly, and I don’t want to have sex with him again... I even torture myself more by imagining him having sex with someone else, and enjoying it more than with me.

I feel so heart broken, idk if to believe him or to continue thinking what I’m thinking...

Yes I know I should leave him, already told him that I don’t want to be with someone that I have doubts about. I’m guessing he is just waiting for this pandemic to simmer down, a save a little bit of money for a new place...