No one ever talks about this, and some might think it’s crazy that I’m bringing it up here but it affects my life everyday and I want to let out somewhere safe.

When I was 19, I was kicked out of the religion I grew up in... I had a boyfriend and I was having sex with him and it’s a sin to have sex outside of marriage. So I felt guilty and I confessed to the elders of my congregation and they decided to disfellowship me. I decided to get married with my boyfriend and move in with him. I was shunned by everyone I ever knew and my family. I lost my community. Even though some of the people there were toxic and always made me feel guilty about myself & my personality, I started to miss it. I had a couple of friends who cared about me and now I have none ... it’s been a year... even though I have my husband I feel lonely. I miss my friends, I miss talking to my mom and my family. They make everyone shun you so that you can miss them badly and come back.. sometimes I want to go back and write a letter saying I’m sorry so that they can take me back and other times I don’t bc I feel resentment towards them, I understand that what I did was wrong but why humiliate someone and isolate them from their family. No one there is perfect but if you make a mistake you’re humiliated and talked about and the gossip ... it’s just toxic. I’m all over the place but what I’ve gone through my whole life and especially this year is a lot. I even go to therapy bc it affects me like crazy. I want to live a normal life. I wish I could be my happy self again and not feel guilty about everything I do.