I don't have an eating disorder, I just struggle with depression. I either don't have an appetite or do and just don't fix myself something to eat as often as I should. The not eating isn't about losing weight, it's just that I get depressed.

I'm tired of looking like a twig, but it's hard to find the motivation. I don't want to gain fat, I want to gain muscle. That requires eating at least 1800cal of mostly healthy food and exercise. Today is the second day of me doing simple stretches and crunches/planks/ECT two or three times a day (I've got a routine set up in an app) and I've been doing just fine with it so far. It's the food part that I'm going to struggle with.

How am I going go from barely 1000cal to AT LEAST 1800? I know the healthier high cal foods, but I still feel like 1800 would be a lot. I'm not giving up my fried potatoes and bread, those are the two carbs I could never cut out.

I'm so frustrated because I so badly want to look in the mirror and not see my pudgy belly, my flat ass, or my twig like arm. I want hips too. This is going to be a very long and difficult journey for me that I'm honestly worried I won't be able to keep up with.

I'm 5 foot 7 and weigh 118 pounds. I'm underweight and I hate it. I want to be at least 130 pounds. I'm scared with eating more I'll put on fat and you would think that would be good, but if I gain any weight it goes straight to my stomach. I'm not well proportioned at all