Emotions all over the place

So during most of COVID I haven’t felt that anxious and have enjoyed getting to spend a lot of time with my fiancé. I went back to work last Wednesday and am now back full time. I feel extremely anxious now about COVID. A lot of people at my work aren’t taking it seriously, not social distancing, just acting like everything’s fine. It’s really triggering me. Even my best friend at work is not social distancing and plastering it all on social media. It’s made me quite disappointed in her. I had to fill my car up with petrol on the way to work yesterday and oh my god I panicked so much. Seeing so many people don’t sanitise their hands after touching the pumps etc and not standing 2 meters apart in the queue. It made me feel a right mess!

Yesterday I got a faint positive (been TTC for a while and have had two MC this year already). All day today I felt so anxious at work. My mood was all over the place. I got stressed out at one point and just burst into tears/had a melt down in my office in front of 5 other people. I felt embarrassed after but during I just felt like I needed to get everything out. Works been stressing me out too, not just because of the corona virus, I feel like no one listens to me properly there and haven’t done the whole almost 6 years since I’ve been there. I literally just starting having a melt down over people not doing what I ask them to do. I know this might also be my hormones if I’m pregnant! For example a guy at my work didn’t clean the desk after using it (antibac it down etc) and it triggered me. I couldn’t sit there and leave it so I put gloves on and cleaned it myself. The entire time I was thinking ‘oh god I better not get anything from cleaning up after him and cause another MC’. I’m just so worried!

I do suffer with depression and anxiety, have done since a very young age. I just feel almost alone during this whole thing with COVID but I know I’m not. Does that make sense to anyone? Of course my OH is amazing and is there for me whenever I need. Phoned him after my melt down, he even got me some chocolate to have when I got home to cheer me up. I just feel all over the place. I’m so worried/anxious about going back into work tomorrow. I’m paranoid about what the people in the office think of me now after having a break down (even though they dealt with it amazingly). Just really don’t want to get up tomorrow already😩

I’m so thankful I have my job still and so happy to have some normality back but it is making me anxious. Just don’t know how to stop worrying about it!