questioning worth

i’m starting to question the worth of staying in my relationship.

i wasn’t rushed into my relationship, but it wasn’t a slow process either. last summer i had decided being single was my best thing for me mentally and with my lifestyle and planned on sticking to that until i met my s/o. i liked him, and despite no having intentions of dating him, said yes when he’d asked me to be his girlfriend because the feelings WERE there. but i’m starting to realize again why i wanted to stay single.

i don’t know how to weigh the pros and cons and this point.

to be shallow, i am not attracted to my s/o physically. i can find him endearing, he’s my boyfriend, but it’s the type of attraction that only comes attached to feelings. it goes no farther than that, being frank.

we all around have different plans and ambitions - i want to go to school... marriage, kids, the works... he hasnt held a job since i met him, and all around has no real life plans let alone share my own...

there’s been a lot of trust issues between us as well, with him randomly texting or calling me or asking to meet up and talk only to bombard me with “i have a gut feeling you’re hiding something” “what do you have to tell me, i feel like it’s something?” “i don’t know why i don’t trust you, i just don’t” “you’ve never given me a reason not to trust you so i don’t know why it’s so hard for me too”

> and my personal favorite line, “i’ve just never had a girlfriend i’ve had to worry about before”

previously he had also been known to micromanage my location, to the point where i hung out with a male friend of mine and we had stopped briefly at his work to pick something up on our way home, only for a familiar car to pass and for me to check find my friends and my boyfriend is making circles around our location. the same night, in my neighborhood, we stop to check out the spot where my car had gotten stuck in a ditch earlier that week to assess the damage because it was on our way, and my boyfriend drives down the street next to us and promptly makes a u turn when he sees us.

i asked about this when i came home to him and he denied it and said he hadn’t even seen us, which he later admitted was a lie and he had just “gotten curious what we were doing”.

when i hang out with my best friend, her boyfriend, and her boyfriends best friend, he claims i’m letting my bffs boyfriends friend “take his spot/invite” and says he doesn’t understand why we don’t extend invited to him instead, and that the whole situation is “just stupid/fucked”. i see him every single day, and sometimes i just need time alone with my friends, but he doesn’t see it this way. he says he understands i need space sometimes but that he doesn’t understand why i need time alone with them when he “obviously” should get an invite

i’m finding it so hard to push all of these things aside just because i love him, and im questioning if all of things are piling up are even WORTH pushing aside