UPDATE : 14 YO told me she wants to become a teen mom on purpose

So yesterday I went for a walk with my “little sister” (SO’s cousin) and I started to ask her about high school next year and boys.

She told me she has a boyfriend she met online who lives in Colorado (we live in California) he’s 17, and “very respectful”.

The online part was a bit of a red flag so o prodded more. And holy fucking shit am I glad I did!

This boy :

- Started talking to her when he was 16 and she was 13

- says when he turns 18 they have to keep their relationship a secret

- doesn’t give a last name

- doesn’t want her telling people about him

- wants her to come to Colorado so they can meet and have sex for the first time

- INTENTIONALLY WANTS TO GET HER PREGNANT THE FIRST TIME HE MEETS HER!!!!!

She told me all of this with a smile on her face and my heart broke realizing this sweet little girl in front of me is trying so hard to grow up so fast. She didn’t even know how long pregnancy is, pregnancy symptoms, has no clue about labor and delivery.

I told her I’d be willing to help her talk to her parents about birth control but she’s insistent she doesn’t want it, she wants a baby.

My stomach hasn’t stopped hurting since she told me all of this and I feel legitimately sick typing it all out. I’m calling her mother today to try and talk to her about everything that J told me but I have no idea how to say it.

She is so young and has so little understanding of just how much more difficult she is intentionally trying to make her life.

On top of it all, she is adopted. So I know part of this stems from her issues with wanting a biological connection I get that. My SO (also adopted) talks constantly about having a family biologically one day. But with J she says if her parents won’t help her raise a baby while she’s in high school she would just give it up for adoption. Which really surprised me because her adoption had very traumatic start. She was taken from her mother at birth because they both had tested positive for drugs. 3 weeks later her mother was stabbed over 100 times and left on the side of the road for dead.

J has always struggled with the fact she has no tangible way to every meet or learn more about her mother than what’s in her adoption record. Which makes it even harder to understand why she would try to get pregnant young knowing that the outcome may be another abandoned child.

Anyone know what I can do? How to explain all of this to her mother? How to try and make her still feel she can trust me but know I can’t stand by and let her do this?

I truly do care about this little girl and want her to do all the amazing successful things I know she is so capable of. And I love that she trusts me enough to tell me all of these things but this isn’t something I can keep for her. I normally give her advice on how to handle a boy not returning a crush, or how to put lipgloss on, not this😭😔 I’m so disappointed she doesn’t want more for herself and I just want to help point her back on the right path.

Edit:

You guys, I KNOW I have to tell them I’m asking you how? When I told my SOs mother all of this last night when we got home I started crying and having stomach ache trying to spit it all out.

I need one of you amazing ladies to give me a script, notes, something. I want to actually get the importance across despite how emotional I feel over it. I don’t want to accidentally make it seem less serious than it is. But obviously they are her parents not me and I don’t wanna come over like “hey since you don’t know this about your daughter I’ll tell you since she trusts me enough to tell me but not you”

I love her and her parents and don’t want this conversation to negatively affect the relationship or trust but I know staying quiet would be WAAAY worse. So please I’m asking again, HELP ME FIGURE OUT HOW TO SAY IT!!! Please!!!

Edit again:

So I realized the way to get it across without me getting over emotional is going to be facts. I’m trying to gather as much recent information and news stories as I can to show J and her parents how dangerous these situations can be. And also hopefully convince them to consider bc for her. They think giving BC to her would be encouraging sex but hopefully if they see she’s already trying to have sex they may think twice about making sure she’s protected. Thank you to everyone who is commenting and if any of you have any resources please drop them in the comments. I know Glow doesnt do links but I can just retype them manually!

Update!!!!! : So it’s not as exciting of an update as I think you may have all been expecting but here it is. After a lot of arguing back and forth between my MIL and I she went and scheduled coffee between her and Js mother while I was at work so she can “handle it myself” 😒 Extremely annoying but regardless. My MIL went and met with Js mother for Coffee and spoke with her about the conversation J and I had.

Apparently J has recently connected with two of her biological sisters. Both of which happen to be teen mothers. Aged 16 and aged 15 when they first gave birth and they are now 19 and 21. It seems that J is idolizing the love and affection that her sisters receive from their babies and wants it for herself. And there was also concern that she may be trying to become closer to them through being a teen mother as well.

Regardless I will be helping the mother to find resources and movies on being a teen parent and how it can impact your life especially for someone in Js position where school is already a struggle because of learning disabilities.

Her mother has also agreed to revisiting the birth control conversation with J. Though my MIL definitely went a little rogue there by suggesting “take her to get the birth control shot but tell her it’s just a routine vaccine. Once she’s 18 tell her it’s actually Bc” which I immediately shot down because that’s just all kinds of wrong to do that without her knowing what’s in her body.

Also the mother spoke to the boy on the phone and also believes this boy is who he says he is. Although she does thinks he’s a little on the not so bright side he doesn’t seem to be a pedo so that’s good. But it is going to be much much more closely monitored now knowing that she has intentions of sex and getting pregnant early.

It looks like I’ll be able to get away with still being the confidant because they have managed to keep all information from me quiet so far. Her mother wants to prod for information after a few days to make it seem organic and like it’s just a conversations.

Sorry it’s not more but there you go! For now she’s safe and sound (though knowing her she’s gonna test some other boundary later lol gotta love teen angst 😂💕)