My daughter is 14 weeks old. She is my world. I’m a stay at home mom and I love it she truly brings a light into my life I didn’t know I needed.

She was born 6 weeks early and has a few health issues. She sees 4 specialists, she has feeding issues which requires her to have a g tube. She was also diagnosed with Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome which requires her to have blood work and ultrasound done every 3 months until she’s around 7/8.

Well, my anxiety is so bad, I am terrified to take her to her drs appts. My husband is my crutch (which is terrible I know) and he goes everywhere with me because my social anxiety is horrible, but because of COVID, only one person is allowed to take her to her appts. I literally have panic attacks thinking about going by myself while my husbands at work.

She needs an ultrasound which requires her to fast for 6 hours which is obviously really hard on a baby and she’s going to be so cranky. I’m terrified to go to the appt and handle that all by myself.

I feel like an absolute piece of shit mom for putting my mental illness before my daughters health. I’ve missed appts countless times because of my anxiety and I look at my daughter and feel horrible that I can’t be there for her like I should be. I know within myself that she should be more important, but my anxiety ruins me and makes me think about every little thing that could go wrong; me not being able to find the drs office by myself, me being in the room with the dr by myself, having to wear a mask, trying to calm a hungry baby down by myself in front of everyone, etc. I’m so sick of being so fucked up in the head that I can’t be a good mom.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. I really need help.