I am so worn out. Before we executed to have another baby my hubby agreed we would have more help - hire a babysitter cleaning lady order more food so less to cook but now with covid all that is lost. On top of that he asked his work to move him to a nearby state because he wasn’t fulfilled at our close by location so his commute is 30 min and he’s gone longer days because that location is busier.

Meaning I’m left home with an infant and a toddler all day now no support, no one to even just watch them for a second while I pee or just hold one for one second my older one gets so much more screen time now and is getting more bratty and my infant isn’t sleep well again. My husband is an essential worker so he moved to the other bedroom to help protect our baby and now he’s just there so he can sleep better which I get it he has to get up and go to work everyday soo he needs more sleep but I am exhausted and breaking down left and right.

My mom is sick so no one from my side of the family will come help us for fear of getting exposed from my husband. My own parents haven’t even held my new baby . My in laws are local but my MIL came for 3.5 weeks after delivery with breaks in between and she was supposed to give us another week but then asked if she could stop a week early and even when she was here she was trying to leave to go to my SILs house for the last day because our babysitter was here that day. Wel babysitter was here to give her and me a break. I feel like mil doesn’t work and she moved in with my SIL for over a year for both of her kids and for us she couldn’t even come for a month and even when she was here she was just trying to leave.

My hubby said we should bring our old babysitter back again but I said no since she works at a gas station the other days she can be so exposed ! I would rather go crazy then expose my kids on purpose so now my hubbay is having his parents come over for his birthday and wants my mil to spend 2 extra days helping me out to give me a break. I don’t even want her to come because she made it so clear last time she didn’t want to be here. I feel like she plays nice in front of my hubby and agrees to come and then gives me attitude. I texted her and said I’m sorry to her last time when she tried to. Leave and she ignored all of that and literally stomped around like a teenage girl.

I feel like I’m too fragile to be on some bs fake ass shit daughter in law behavior and I would rather her not come then be tip toeing around her feelings esp after how things ended last trip months ago.

I have not slept more than 4-5 hours in multiple months. I’m starting to have some really negative thoughts again. Last time my husband persuaded me that I didn’t have ppd I was just tired but I feel the same demons coming alive in my mind.

Help I’m sorry this was so long I don’t know what to do. I don’t even have time to telemedicine a counselor. I’m just so overwhelmed and I feel so lonely. Maybe because I am alone all day and night with my kids and well they’re babies 🙇🏽‍♀️