Disbelief

8 test 2 super faint postive 3 faint and 3 soild lines. I still am in shock and disbelief. August 2019 I found out we were pregnant. In October 2019 we found out the baby heart stopped at 9 weeks found out at 12 weeks. Months went by and I was numb not feeling anything towards this fetus I lost. Started trying again in Janurary every month that went by every period that came I was fine. Come my due date and I started feeling envious of my friends giving birth and my roommate getting pregnant on accident. I have known the hurt from my friends and family that lost baby's and couldn't get pregnant but to me I felt in my own world of hate and pity. I was happy for all my friends I felt I had no right to even be sad for my loss since I had a healthy 2 year old at home. June 3rd we found out I saw that faint line and here it is the 7th and I still don't believe I just sit in self-doubt. Am I actually pregnant, why are the lines taking so long to get dark? Am I miscarriaging with no symptoms again? How long will I feel like this? I'm so excited for this baby I love it so much but I can't get attracted im afraid to.