God mom passed of Covid

So today I found out that my Godmother/ Great aunt passed of Corona Virus she lived a long life if I remember correctly she made it to her late 90s if she hasn’t turned 100 already I’m not to sure. She passed in April but nobody told me till now when I asked how she was doing. She lived in a Nursing home and the only person that would see her is my grandmother but she hasn’t gone to see her since this Covid 19 thing started for her safety, so she had to have contracted it from someone in the nursing home. I honestly don’t know how to feel she had Alzheimer’s so it’s not like she remembered me, I use to go see her every Thanksgiving ever since I was a baby but I wasn’t allowed to after I turned 14 because I completely wiped from her memory since she thought she was living in the 1980s. I still have memories of seeing her. She didn’t know English but would always try so hard just for me since I couldn’t really speak Spanish and she was always so happy to see me she’d cry sometimes she was very sweet, she was a “Mother Superior” which is basically the Highest Nun position. It doesn’t crush me that she’s gone maybe it just hasn’t hit me yet I’m just not sure I just sort of feel numb in a way and I’m disappointed in myself cause I know I really care but I can’t get myself to show any emotion but just stare off into nothing and think of all the memories. I have had this numb feeling before and eventually it passed but I don’t remember how I hate feeling like I have little to know emotion in me to give out.