Ending an affair

PLEASE, no negative judgement. I’m trying to end a year long affair. Both him and I are in relationships. This affair is toxic. Neither partner has found out. Friday night we had a huge blow up over text message. We said some hurtful things and then sort of ended it calmly. I can’t get over the things we both said. I probably said more hurtful things but I laid it all out. I told him how I was getting attached to him and I shouldn’t have gotten feelings involved. Then he said I was jealous of his gf and their situation. I’m not jealous of her and that’s what he thinks bc I have feelings for him. Yesterday morning he sent a funny/dirty video text to me. Not of him, just random. I need to know how to get over this. Do I talk to him? Just ghost him? How long will this pain last? Last summer I dealt with so much anxiety over it. I can’t do it again! I want my life back! Please share your experience.