Would you feel the same way as me?

Question

Basically I'm fortunate enough to he a stay at home mom to our two kids and I'm pregnant with the 3rd. I can take a lot of stress from the kids but every so often I feel like I'm at my breaking point. last August was the last time I felt like that and I tried reaching out to my fiance but he literally did nothing to help until I finally blew up. Well today I was feeling that way again. I tried to let him know that I felt like I was at that point again and j asked him to take a vacation day from work. He didn't even try he just shut me down. I feel like it's unfair. I NEED a break. I'm not okay today and both kids are so much to handle. I haven't felt like this since August of last year so I feel asking him to take a vacation day after it's been almost a year should've been acceptable

Answer

I get it but he has to work as the sole provider. Utilize his day off

Answer

Mmmm I get where you’re coming from but that’s not his responsibility to take care of those feelings because he has stress of his own as the sole provider. Have you considered going back to work? Or going back part time at least?

Answer

I’m a SAHM of 3 and I get what you’re saying, sometimes it’s hard to face the day. It’s the same thing every day, you have to tend to someone else’s needs and wants all day, day in and day out. But I don’t ask my husband to take off work, I just make it clear it’s been A DAY and need him home as soon as he’s off and for him to take over completely while I decompress. Or make sure that on one of his days off, he looks after the kids and lets you relax. It’s not easy going to work day in and day out either, and y’all need to come to a compromise.

Answer

i mean, if i asked my husband to take off for that reason he probably would, but i don’t think i would ever need to ask. my husband pulls his weight in the family when he’s home and makes sure i get some relief. maybe you should talk to your husband about contributing more when he’s home so you don’t get to the breaking point. usually when i’m stressed like that we have a date night and the kids have a sleepover with grandparents, it definitely helps.

Answer

Next time don't wait until youre at your breaking point. He has his half to handle (providing) try your best to plan ahead and ask for help before hand. Make sure he's getting a break as well. It's a team effort.

Answer

Does he not get days off? Why couldn't he take over for a weekend and let you relax and go do something then?

Answer

I understand how you feel, I've absolutley had days like that too. It can be overwhelming for sure and as moms, we di need breaks.
That being said, I dont think it's fair it wise to ask him to take a day off of work to give you the break.
Most people working today dont have an overabundance of days, employers are notoriously stingy when it comes to it. You have to keep in mind that he might need to conserve his days in the event that he ever feels under the weather, has a family emergency or gets seriously ill. Those days arent for frivolous use and shouldnt be wasted. Look, I know it feels like an emergency, but u know it isnt. 
His employer might also be funny about letting him take days off. Most places hate when you call in or give less than 24 hour notice. Heck, some places even give you a hard time when scheduling a vacation 6 months in advance. It's how it is sometimes.
Can you hang in there and do a "low energy" day with the kids? Put them in front of the TV for as long as they like, let them play outside, let them do what they like so you can take a breath? How about anyone else who can sit them? Grandma? Auntie? Friend? Even a gymboree kind of place where u pay to let them play for a few hours?
Best of luck

Answer

I think if it’s possible he should take the day off unless it is difficult for him to take time off. If he has saved up paid time off then it is definitely unfair of him not to care about your needs too. He is the “sole provider” for finances as others said but you are providing so much too. Childcare, housework, etc. is huge. I’m a sahm and it is so much work. Some days I miss getting to go in to the office every day tbh. A marriage and parenthood is about give and take, compromises and balance. He needs to be there for you during your hard times as much as you are there for him during his. If he needed a day off for mental health reasons then he should be able to take it just like you should be able to take a day off when needed. If you were asking him every few weeks to take a day off then I could see him saying he couldn’t, but once or twice per year is completely reasonable.

Answer

I completely understand where your coming from. I have those days too. I sometimes ask my mom to watch my daughter for a while so I can get back mentally right. Is there someone who can maybe take the kids out for ice cream or for a day outing. I know it’s hard right now with darn Covid but maybe someone can lend a hand. Maybe your fiancé feels he needs to make the money and doesn’t want to waste a day of vacation (they sometimes don’t comprehend the capacity of what we do as SAHM)

Answer

I’m not sure about ages but would you consider going back to work? I love my son and can’t wait for our second baby to be born but I’m not meant to be a SAHM. Otherwise, you guys need to sit down and figure things out. He can’t just expect to work and come home and relax on his time off. You don’t get time off without him pitching in.

Would you feel the same way as me?

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