Insensitive or too sensitive?

Question

I'm trying to figure out if I'm maybe too sensitive or if my best friends are just being insensitive. Last Monday I miscarried my first pregnancy. I have a group chat with my two best friends although we all still message each other privately in certain instances. They know about my struggles with fertility and how badly my husband and I wanted to have a baby.

So I miscarried on Monday and then by Friday they were both in the group chat talking about how they both missed their periods and they were gonna test and how they werent even trying and dont want to have a child. They're both with guys who don't really want kids right now. I'm married and my husband and I had to try very hard just to concieve and were devastated to lose our first baby together. I personally felt like they could have just discussed this manner together privately in their own messages instead of including me in this discussion but I just sort of brushed it off. Didnt really contribute to that conversation and kept on with my day.

Late that night in the exact same chat, one of the girls started grilling me with questions about my experience in getting pregnant. Asking about what test strips I used for ovulation, how she would know if they were positive, what vitamins I took, what teas I drank, what lubes I used, ect. Meanwhile I hadnt even touched my <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">glow app</a> much because just the thought of everything was upsetting. I was trying to decompress and just enjoy time at home with my husband and step kids. It was really upsetting and I just feel like we're old enough that my friends should understand it was pretty insensitive timing for all of that because it really did upset me.

I havent said anything to them because I've obviously been very hormonal and emotional and I just dont think I could even formulate a constructive conversation about conflict right now. Do you think I'm just being sensitive because of the circumstances or do you think they were being a little insensitive?

Answer

I think if someone (in this case, your friends) hasn’t actually experienced a miscarriage, then they don’t understand the impact their conversation is having on you. After going thru one in April, I’ve realized the people who haven’t ever been thru one are quite dismissive, not to be mean or hurtful, but because they just brush it off since they don’t know any better. Honestly, before i went thru it I was oblivious to the pain it can cause someone. I wouldn’t overthink it or take offense, as I’m sure they genuinely just don’t realize how ur feeling about their conversations.

Answer

I think they might not understand, it hurts you.

Answer

I'm sorry for you loss mama ❤️
I think it's important to speak up that you just aren't ready for these conversations. Let them know you'll be happy to share, but right now you just need some space to grieve your loss.

Answer

Never assume that someone should know what your thinking because their mind isn't yours and don't think exactly like you. If those questions are hard to answer then tell them. If you can't even tell your your best friend's that stuff then why be friend's with them.

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Yeah I don’t think people who aren’t actively TTC understand the stress of TTC nor do they understand the rollercoaster of emotions that come with miscarriage. Tbh I don’t know of them either but I definitely can see how little they understand it. They may see you as an information source and wise on the topic and value that but don’t understand how it’s making you feel. I would say something tbh and just put in your small group chat about how you you’re hurting right now and how it’s making you feel and you know it’s not their intention but you need some time to decompress and you value their friendship.

Answer

It must be really hard to have to read their conversation, but it isnt clear if you'd told them about your recent miscarriage or not? I can only imagine how you are feeling but if they didn't know you'd recently miscarried then I am not sure they were being insensitive,  they might value your input and knowledge of that which they are not familiar with 🤷‍♀️ but if they were aware of your recent loss then yes it is insensitive but unless you talk to them they won't know they were being and that they've then upset you. As your friends they should understand, if they don't, then they arent really that good of a friend to you. 
I am sorry you are going through this, I wish you and your family all the best 💜

Answer

Before I had a miscarriage, my best friend miscarried and I was pregnant with my first. I knew not to talk to her about certain things or ask certain questions because she was struggling, common sense should kick in like hey my friend just went through a traumatic experience I may not have known the extent of her hurt at the moment but I knew it was deep!

Answer

I dont see them trying to purposefully hurt you. You said the key thing at the end, you haven't talked to them yet. They may not understand you are still going through the pain of the whole situation but they genuinely wanted to keep talking and also ask questions about pregnancy. I wouldn't say you are being too sensitive or they are being insensitive. Just lack of communication on both sides. You should voice your discomfort with the topic and they should ask if you are comfortable talking about things of that nature again.

Answer

I meant to vote that they are being insensitive but accidentally hit the wrong vote. Sorry for your loss, I couldn’t comprehend being that insensitive to my best friend after she miscarried. They one hundred percent should not be talking to you about the topic of getting pregnant right now.

Insensitive or too sensitive?

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