20 weeks and depressed

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant and I scheduled to get an abortion Saturday I know this post may upset a lot of people because they cannot have children or it’s very hard for them to become pregnant and I once was in you guys shoes but I have been dealing with physical and mental abuse since the day I found out that I was pregnant and I just cannot take it anymore I feel like I don’t have anything to live for this is my first son my son that I always wanted and this is the hardest decision that I have to make. I have three other kids and I feel like I can’t even take care of the properly because of the emotional distress that I go through every day I’ve sent him to jail I have a restraining order and he still manages to harass me my child’s father is a narcissistic bastard and I just can’t take it. I’m tired to the point where I don’t wanna live. My hormones are so outta wack and it’s scary.