Is this what it's about?

Question

First, if your going to tell me how terrible I am, move along. I have that covered all on my own, thanks! 
Ok, I have married almost 3 years. Most days I wonder what it's all about, why did I get married? What made me marry this man? On a daily basis...I can say I have no idea. I spend everyday competing for his attention.  Well, I used to. I have kind of given up. When I bring up how it would be nice to feel like I am as much of a priority to him as making sure he sees literally almost every single sports event on tv possible. Even watching sports he is checking his phone checking sports. If not sports he is on the computer gaming. If that's not happening he is sitting in his chair watching something else on tv. He has to dvr several tv shows bc you can't watch sports and TV shows at the same time. Sex is pretty much non existent. I mean maybe twice a month. He says it's my fault...I'll take the fault there. But damn after I work my 10 hour day on my feet, come home cool dinner, clean the kitchen, feed the animals, clean a little bit..who the he'll wants to have sex. Especially when he has sat in chair and watched me do it all...or he was gaming. Plus I have told him tons of times I wasn't him to be more assertive in bed, that a man taking charge is a big turn on. No hitting or rough stuff just taking charge...initiating it..doing more than getting his..tell me what he likes..take charge. His response is always 'well, you could initiate it too ya know.' His way of saying he wants sex is getting in bed and touching my leg...or kissing me goodnight. If I don't respond how he wants he huffy and goes to bed 😠 it like lately I want more. I want more than always only watching tv. When I think of a best friend....someone to pig out with and watch stupid shows...someone to act a fool with..it's him. When I think about what I want in a marriage...it's not him. How does that work? I think of a marriage as a partnership...we both clean..cook..have fun...go places..we want to make each other better. Not get complacent and be content living pay check to pay check with no want for better. It's like he has no drive, he is good with things so why change it, at all. Am I crazy...is a marriage really this. Is the though of what I want wrong?

Answer

Id be pushing for marriage counseling if I were you. It sounds like most of the time he'd rather have a mother than a wife...which isn't a marriage.

Answer

Did you try telling him all this?  Maybe try marriage counseling. Would you have really married this guy if you didn't love him and want to be with him? Maybe he just got too comfortable. If you want more and your unhappy you need to let him know how you feel. But I don't think you crazy at all.

Answer

It doesn't sound like your husband wants to be married... Or he wants to be married to his TV. I can completely see where you are coming from. Now that my hubby and I are both working full time, it is up to BOTH of us to keep the house clean, get dinner going and even initiate adult time :) it's nice that you enjoy hanging out with him but a marriage is so much more than that. My husband would drop anything he was doing if I needed anything or if I was having a bad day and just wanted to talk about it

Answer

I think many marriages go through this stage. You need to be very direct about what your emotional needs are, without creating an argument. It's not always easy because it can make your partner feel like you are attacking them; when you are really trying to communicate. I have been in your shoes. I hope you are able to resolve these problems.

Answer

Sorry hun but no this is not marriage and you need to have help from your husband. I can understand your frustration because I was with a guy that did exactly this however spent it on Facebook. Have you tried to sit down and talk with him and ask him for help? You are doing way too much. Your going to end of burning yourself out. Life is not easy but you do not deserve to be a maid, a mother, and a cook to a man that doesn't even act like he deserves it! I am so sorry for what your going through. My best advice is try to talk to him. If that doesn't work stop doing everything. Just do the things for yourself and let him fend for him. Put the ball in his court. Best of luck.

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I had the samr problem in my last 6 yrar relationship and giving it up was the best thing i couldve done for myself. Everybody deserves happiness and if your not happy u gotta find what makes you happy. Ya it'll hurt for a bit, you havr history together, but once that sting is gone you'll find yourself in a whole new life and more than likely alot happier. Good luck.

Answer

Hey guys. More than once I have told him that he is more concerned with his games and cell phone..he always tells me I'm wrong. His come back lately is to tell me how much I am on my phone if I bring up his time. And yes, I am on my phone a lot, now. It was my way of trying to make him see what it feels like...but it hasn't works. What he doesn't realize is half the time I just hold my phone...not even doing anything on it. We go through this 'stage' frequently. It goes...I get fed up...I get upset...he figures out I'm upset....he helps a tiny bit....he thinks the little help entitles him to sex....I don't give in...he gets mad...I'm still mad....just when I'm at a breaking point....he figures it out....he helps...does quite a bit...I think we r doing good....back to round one. I watched my mom go through a few marriages growing up...they always seemed to be based on surface things...so I made it a point to not concern myself with looks and surface things. I always thought marrying someone I was best friends with would be the way around that. I think I'm just in a big mess. I also fear if I leave..I am going to be alone forever. The scarier thing is that for the first time ever this girl who has always wanted a family, kids running around, is actually very ok with the thought of being by myself for a while. And marriage counseling is out of the question. He wouldn't even do that before we got married....wouldn't entertain the thought of using a preacher who would require it.

Answer

Omg.. Just reading the first part. You sound like youre living with my boyfriend! Hes constantly playing football on his xbox. Sundays its football football football. And when its on commercial he is checking his draft status or turning on sports center. When we wake up, the first thing he turns on is espn. When our son takes a nap, he plays his xbox. When he comes home From work, he plays his xbox. I am CONSTANTLY telling him that football and games always come before our needs. "No they dont!" He would say. Im a sahm. I do everything except working. I Cook, clean, take care of the baby, make his dinner for work and he just watches tv, or is on his phone. My advice is give him and ultimatum. Tell him that its you or the games and football. 
Make him make that choice. And if he chooses the game then leave the asshole. You obviously deserve better than that. I did that to mine and the gaming and football has cut down a lot but not enough to where imhappy with the attention that he is giving me and our son. He needs to step up more still.you could even stop cooking and doing his laundry.When He  realizes that you stopped, tell him that youre not his maid or  his mommy and if he doesnt want to give you the attention like youre his wife, then he can do his own cooking and cleaning. Good luck honey, from one frustrated woman to another.

Is this what it's about?

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