Just need to let stuff out.

I have nobody to talk to so ig I'll just put it here. Idk if someone sees this or whatever and it will probably be long so dont feel you have to read it. I feel so alone and I dont mean because I dont have a bf or because of quarantine but I dont have anyone to talk to. I dont have any friends I mean I have people I sometime (rarely) hangout with but even then it's just because they want something and I can help them get it. They always run to me with problems but dont wanna listen to mine, I mean ig that's fine been like that pretty much all my life so it's nothing new, I recently broke up with my boyfriend because we were on two different paths and i dont miss him but i miss having someone to text or call, someone to talk to or even just have on the phone so I dont feel so alone. Even when/if he wasn't listening I still felt less alone. I graduated high school this year and I feel like such a loser I mean I'm 19 without a license and I dont have a job but I can only have a few kinds of jobs because of my PTSD and Anxiety that I'm trying to get stuff to help it but can because of lack of money and covid. I just feel so alone. I fight this big battle everyday alone, I have my mom and I love her to death but shes depressed (personal stuff) and I feel like I should complain because she has done so much for me. Idk I'm probably repeating myself a lot and misspelled some stuff because I'm trying to see through the tears. (No I'm not looking for attention or pitty) I feel like a loser a failure. I stay inside all day (even before covid) because I have nobody to go out with and nothing to do. I had to change to online school because of my PTSD and Anxiety (so I've just been alone in my room for quite awhile) I just think what's wrong with me, I'm always there for people but I dont have anyone (maybe that's the problem) it's just hard. I want to get drunk all the time so I'm numb but I cant being underage. I mean i kinda feel numb already but you know that different numb that alchohol and shit gives you. I hate being alone. Maybe I'm the problem I put more into people then they give out even if ik they wont put that much into me I still run the extra mile for them I wish I could stop being like this and stop idk caring about others and putting 100% when they wont even put 5% into to, but I cant I've tried. I have more on my mind just dont know how to put it into words and my eyes are getting to the point where I've cryed so much i can no longer produce tears so ig I'll end my rant (or whatever you wanna call it) right here. If you read it all then thx ig.