Feeling rly shitty

So the last two weeks my mom was in the hospital with my grandma who ended up passing away last week and my dad was with us but I was the only one watching my two brothers ( 6 and 9) the whole time since my dad had to go out of town and come back that night a few times, so we were at my camp and I was alone being the fucking parent because they couldn’t. I know it’s hard when someone’s in the hospital and I have to take responsibility but it’s al the time. They just let my brothers run around and beat each other up and make messes and I have to clean it up and do the chores. I’m 13 and I feel like I’m growing up too fast, I’m already depressed and have super bad anxiety (both diagnosed) and I havent seen my therapist person thing (over FaceTime) in over a month and I started hurting myself again, I asked my mom to set up another meeting but she won’t. I’m tired of being the parent and doing everything because they won’t. My mom keeps going out at our camp to talk with friends or going out for dinner. She won’t let me be who I am or figure out my gender or sexuality. I’m not allowed any social media because I dated a girl for two months. Sorry if none of thus makes sense I just needed to vent and calm myself down so I didn’t have another fucking panic attack today.

Also my mom makes me feel really bad about my body and the past year I’ve been struggling with not eating or throwing up after I do and her saying things about how I eat all the junk food (which I don’t) doesn’t make me feel better. I know she loves me but I don’t feel it at all

Third update today lmao- I’m vegetarian and they made me eat chicken or else I’m going to lose my bedroom and all my privacy AGAiN so I just vomited it all out and I have chicken and pea bits stuck in my nose🤢🤢🤢