I’m praying for help. This is a mess (for me) so thank you, in advanced.

I have an ex... the first time we had sex, I was on my period. He ate me out, we fucked, I was a virgin, it was glorious. Whatever.

We dated for 2 years.

And when I say I am not in love with this man... y’all. I am not in love with this man. He was a predator. I didn’t know any better, and he stalked me for longer than we dated. He drugged me and took advantage of me and eventually had a psychotic break toward the latter half of our relationship, from which he never recovered. Brain: fried.

But for 4 years post-breakup, I can still sense myself tethered to him. I think of his name (not of his body at all, but his name) when I’m having sex with other people, including my current boyfriend of 2 years (who I have a much deeper and longer history with than with my ex... I’m dating my best friend, I’m his first love, we were school-age friends).

Anyway... I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of feeling this way. Tired of thinking his name in moments of intimacy, where I should be free of him even if he’s stalking me.

I would love advice on how to BREAK this sort of tie.

I would also like advice on whether or not you think I even should... because he’s positioned himself as my enemy. Would it be to my advantage to use this connection somehow? Or is that just way over my head as someone whose craft had been centered around herbalism since she was like, 13 (27 now)?