Ended it with a narcissist

After 5-6 years I finally ended things with the person who I thought would be the person i would marry. After losing my first vehicle, being placed in tons of debt, mental, emotional and physical abuse, and myself I threw it all away yesterday. After gut feelings for a majority of 2 months i knew something wasn’t right. He was on deployment and we would barely speak. After everything he did to me I forgave him but the past always came up.

Ladies, I’m sitting here crying! I have no idea why! He placed me on an emotional coaster! He’s not half the man he thinks he is when he tells you to “go get raped and get fatter” since he doesn’t like bigger women. (Mind you I’m only 170lbs) He FaceTimed me and I had enough. He was being controlling and “gave me warnings” I won’t tolerate being controlled and told what to do. When you’ve done all you can and you’re becoming emotionally dead inside, it’s time to take out the trash.

I’m frustrated, I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m sad, I am literally everything. 6 years of my life down the drain and so many things learned. I guess it’s time to get a burn book, a plate and write everything on it, break it and recover.

I’d like it if I could have a group or some friends to support me through this. This isn’t easy. I feel so empty and alone. I don’t understand why I’m beating myself up for it. 😭🥺

Sincerely.

The girl who’s lost. :/