Baby with a racist he doesn't know exist!

I'm trying very hard to keep myself together but I had a baby early this year and denied to the father and his family I was even pregnant, the reason was 1 I found out he was cheating in me with multiple women older then me since 2017, he would sleep with random people from badoo and tinder to get their sympathy he would talk about me how my body is saggy, I'm crazy, he regrets meeting me and but still send pics of our child to randoms(just so they can say his cute and get them talking) ... I found all the messages on his fone... 2 when I confronted him he came close to my face and called me a nigger not once but twice front of his father and his father's girlfriend I was soo vivid but I said thank u instead. Now I have 2 kids with a racist that I regret (I don't regret my kids but sometimes I feel resentment cause of their dad) I never told him the 2nd child cause until today I'm still very traumatised it happend last year August 31st but I relieve the same scenario everyday in my head I cry someone when I get up from bed or before going to sleep, It got worst during BLM movement I never got a sorry or even remorse and I don't even want it, it just why I'm I the person feeling sorry and crying while the other person his on to the next person... please what do I do?