Will you be able to have a support person at birth with you?

I kind of outsourced my anxiety with my first 😂

I asked my husband to stay calm and confident and assertive no matter how he felt. We prepared for that quite a lot and I know I asked a lot of him, but he agreed and did very well.

I knew I was going to feel very vulnerable and powerless, being bogged down with contractions and all that, physically not able to stay in control of the situation or even my body at all. So I asked him to stay in control as much as possible for both of us, to keep communicating with midwives and nurses and doctors because I have trouble talking to people when I feel overwhelmed. I asked him to stay calm for both of us, so I could rely on his calm, even if he didn't feel that way.

Usually when he's feeling anxious he likes venting and unloading and getting himself worked up, so it was quite a challenge. But he came through.

He understood that I would be really overwhelmed with nothing to anchor me but him, and it was difficult but he stayed calm, assertive and supportive throughout it. Later he told me that he had felt panicked all throughout, but I couldn't see or feel that at all. Maybe because he was hiding it well, maybe because I was so much focused on myself.

Afterwards, with the baby around, at first my attention was always needed for the baby so we got more practice of this kind of shared responsibilities. He got to deal with outside issues and not let them bother me, and I kept our daughter happy and content. As she grew, we didn't need to divide our attention this way so much. When boobs were not the one and only way to keep baby calm, I could also take on more "outside" responsibilities and he could focus on baby even when we were away from home. But, with the next pregnancy it came back and we only had one quick discussion before birth to remind both of us that "this is how it's gonna happen" - and it worked perfectly.

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