Feeling guilty ... (Kinda long)

I’m feeling very guilty because I cannot seem to just sit back and enjoy this pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong I know I’m lucky to be pregnant, we tried for a loong time to conceive our first baby and it also took a while to get this one so I understand infertility all too well. I was told by many doctors that it wouldn’t ever happen but here we are, and I’m very grateful.

What I mean is I’m either fighting with my husband which makes me question his happiness thus makes me nervous about bringing another baby into our marriage OR I’m in so much pain and discomfort that I’m just miserable.

Tonight, I caught hubby in a lie and rather than just own up and explain himself, he chose to play semantics with me and twist my words. I asked him flat out about whether he had communicated with someone and he lied. I already saw it in his phone and told him so. His response was “you said: did I talk to this person, not whether I texted this person” which is also not true because I asked if they had reached out to him and he chose to lie. It’s not important now whether he did or didn’t speak to/text them but more important that he feels the need to lie about it. He then told me to “shove it up my ass”, threatened to leave the house but instead went to the basement and hasn’t spoken to me since.

Our relationship hopefully won’t live or die on this small mountain but I also don’t want to back down easily.

This person flat out disrespected me a few months ago, which he was there for. I asked him to set them straight by telling them that what they did was disrespectful and won’t be tolerated BUT he lied to me about doing that as well. He told me he did just that but then they told me that he made up some bullshit to them to protect their feelings over standing up for me, HIS WIFE. I was woman enough to have an adult conversation with this person and told them myself how I felt. They and I are on “friendly” terms now however, the one thing I asked of hubby was to be told when he and this person spoke again and in the future because I knew that they would.

Let’s be real- it’s 2020- texting and phone calls are the same when I asked if you’ve spoken to someone. So for him to play games with the wording just makes me more suspicious as to why he’s lying. I not only know that they’ve texted each but he told them that he would call them later while he was out walking after work one day. I don’t know whether that happened or not but let’s just assume it did. I plan to check when I can.

Not sure what to do from here but needed to vent. Luckily today I feel pretty good physically because dealing with pregnancy pains and heartache together would be a nightmare.

Thanks for letting me share, comments welcome.