Traumatized for Next Labor 😥

So with my first daughter I gave birth to her in 2017. She was born a day before her due date and, the labor process wasn’t easy. By time I got to the hospital I was only at 3cm and, in uncomfortable pain because of the contractions. Because I was only dilated to a 3, the hospital offered to give me pain medicine rather than the epidural. The pain medicine knocked me out literally within seconds of taking it and, put me to sleep. After waking from it I had horrible contractions and wanted the epidural. The doctors who came to put it were super bitchy, didn’t even want me squeezing a pillow. Just wanted me to hunch over and told me not to touch her. ( I asked if I could hold her hand because I was afraid. I don’t like needles ). To top it off, I wasn’t completely numb when they shoved the catheter inside of me. So I felt that and screamed in pain and, they didn’t care whatsoever. The following morning I gave birth to my 1st born.

In 2019 my 2nd daughter was born. She was born a day after her due date. On my due date my mucous plug came out. I had small contractions that entire day but, I didn’t think I was in active labor. I thought the small contractions here and there, were the Braxton Hick contractions. So that entire day I thought nothing of it. The following day my husband and I took his mother to the spot he proposed to me. We didn’t even make it to stay 5 minutes, I immediately started having strong contractions. We got back in the car and dropped my oldest daughter with a family friend. When we were driving to the hospital, it felt like the longest drive of my life. My contractions were coming in so strong and close together that, when it stopped I only had a few seconds to catch my breath before it started up again. In the car I already felt like I had to push! When we got there they rushed me in and, did a cervix check. I was at 6cm so they rushed me into the labor and delivery room. I asked the nurse if she could check me again and at that point I was already at a 7. My cervix was opening fast and, I started to cry. I was telling my husband “ I’m not going to be able to get an epidural “. I wasn’t prepared for a natural labor and, the contractions were horrible at that point. My body started to over heat and, I started to feel dizzy. The doctor came in and said I’m at an 8 and broke my water for me so we could start pushing. I was so scared that I wouldn’t have been able to do it with all the energy that was taken out of me.. but I did it. My 2nd daughter was born within 30 minutes of arriving at the hospital no epidural.

I am now pregnant with our 3rd due in 2021 and, I’m so afraid that I won’t be able to have a relaxing birth 🥺 I have just been super overwhelmed since finding out we’re pregnant with our 3rd baby. Ive started to overthink everything and, it’s not a good feeling 😔