So long story short I had to two kids from my past relationship (I was young and dumb) . I have a beautiful daughter age 5 and a handsome son age 7. Their father is a sycophantic (just found out a couple years ago and I tried to help but you can only help someone so much that doesn’t want to help them selfs) but our relationship was very up and and down and I stayed longer then I should. I finally got out about three years ago and without looking I found my now boyfriend that I knew since I was little (best friends with his sister all through elementary school) also used to have the biggest crush on him! So I’m with him now and he’s so in love with kids and does everything for them. Their Dad hasn’t help financially with much but that still didn’t stop me from letting him see kids but when he’s started threatening and telling my kids to disrespect us and ect. (Just stuff kids should not be doing/or hearing from a parent) I stopped letting him see them. Going to court but is a hugeeee process and yeah just a lot (sorry this is all over the place just trying to get it all out in as little as possible) but me and my now boyfriend had a miscarriage last February I was at around 16 weeks but not just any miscarriage I gave birth to him at his moms house in the toilet , pass out and rushed to the hospital where I passed out three more times and had to have the placenta taken out by hand (hurt so much) we were all so devastated. All our family and kids were so happy to be uncles and aunts and first time grandparents and big bro/sis. Came out to be a beautiful baby boy but was to little to receive a death certificate but we got to burry him and hold his tiny little body in our hands before we did. We named his Massiah. We hold him in our heart dearly even though most people think it’s weird. But we have been trying ever since and I thought (I was so sure) we’ll until today that I was pregnant again . I haven’t had my period for about 45 days and I usually have it about every 3 weeks. But today I just wiped and seen some blood 🥺 I was so excited but now I’m just down. Going through so much like I know everyone is during this covid crap, thought this would be our one happy thing going on during this dark time.