I just need to vent. (1 WEEK POSTPARTUM)

FIRST:

The past 3 days I have been in the hospital, at first they told me I had a massive clot stuck to the side of my uterus, they sent me home and told me to wait it out. Later that night I ended up being rushed back up because the pain got so bad I was puking and passing out. They scheduled me for a dnc the following day and sent me home again. I went in for the dnc yesterday in which they removed a huge chunk of placenta that got left behind and today am feeling great. However. That's 3 days, going on 4, that I havent been able to breast feed. I've been pumping and dumping (because of the meds) as much as I can but theres been a good 6-10 hour stretches where I havent been able to and my milk supply is diminishing quickly. Which is stressing me out- I breastfed my son and planned to do the same with my daughter and it will break my heart if I wont be able to.

SECOND:

My daughter was born prematurely. When she was born she had very low blood sugar and has been poked so many times already her feet are still bruised. She has been to hospital twice now for bili tests (jaundice) and she goes again today to see if she needs another one done and to see if shes putting on weight okay. Shes native and had naturally red skin so I cant tell if shes yellow or not. Which stresses me out because with my son I knew right away when his jaundice came back, and with her I feel like I'm constantly second guessing myself. For my second kid, I feel like I'm more stupid about being a parent then I was the first time around.

THIRD:

My son will be 2 in october, hes always been a healthy and happy kid, but the last 2 days I'm pretty sure hes has a couple seizures. The other night he was laying in our bed and just out of the blue started convulsing- it only lasted a couple seconds but it scared the hell out of me. Then yesterday while I was at the hospital my husband witnessed another one, again, just a couple seconds, but still. I'm going to see what the doctor says today but I feel like I cant get a break. It's always one thing or another and this past week has been the most stressful experiences of my life. I'm trying to keep it together for my family but I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I also feel extremely guilty for not being around much for the first week of my daughters life, and for up and leaving my son who has always been my suck.