Grown Woman & Mom Problems

Okay.

Recently my sister was hospitalized. We live in the same city and I was the first to get to her. My mom rushed down the same night and stayed for a couple of days. Since no one was allowed to visit my sister in the hospital due to Covid, my mom stayed in constant contact with the hospital.

While here she completely took over my apartment. Which I didn't appreciate. I've been working from home since March due to the virus. I overheard a conversation my mother was having with the hospital and a separate conversation with my sister's father and grandparents... She told them "Yes. Her sister works from home so she's available any time to help out." Keep in mind I work OT and a single mother of 2. While I absolutely do not mind helping my sister, I don't appreciate being volunteered without first being asked and included in the discussion.

Yesterday, 7/30. My mother called and stated she wanted to drive back down (we live roughly 6 hours away) and wants to throw a get well party for my sister at my place. She did not ask me, she told me. I initially went along with it because I've always been afraid to stand up to my mom. Later in the day, I text and said why don't we just have it at my sister's place. She waited ALL night to respond and finally said "We just won't do it." I woke up this morning and sent her a completely unrelated text about something else and she ignored me. Yet, responds to our family chat all morning.

My mom has ALWAYS been this way towards me. I am 30 years old and we've never had the closest relationship. When she's good, she's great but it's like she lacks a huge amount of respect for me. She often talks to and treats me like a doormat. As a child she often dismissed me and my feelings or would make me feel bad for having feelings. I couldn't ever express my thoughts about things she did because she'd get so angry and hit me or something or go DAYS without talking to me. I shut down where it pertains to her a long time ago.

Don't get mg wrong, I love my mother and we have many good moments but this week helped me realize those moments are about THINGS not about me if that makes sense. And my children adore her. It was hard to be there for my sister personally this week but she would involve herself in our conversations or overtalk me. I visited my sister alone (she's now home) and she's doing much better and we were able to catch up.

I'm kind of ashamed to post and ask this here but how do I find the courage as a full on grown woman and finally stand up to her? Not in a way to be mean. I'm a solid person and have set boundaries with others but my mom is an entirely different story and issue.

Thanks y'all.