At 12:11AM August 17th I got up to go to the bathroom before settling down for bed. Before I had a chance to pull my pants down a squirt of something came out and I instantly thought I peed myself. Curious though, maybe it was my water?

Went straight to my husband who went straight to google to see if we could do some kind of test to check.

You see, we had been in and out of the hospital since 33 weeks for preterm labor contractions and a false alarm on waters breaking. It had been a hell of a month but we finally reached 37 weeks and our little boy was due any day with a predicted 9lbs1oz weight. We really didn’t want to go to hospital with a false alarm again.

He found a test - all you had to do was put on a pad, lie down for 30 minutes and then get up. If the pad soaks through, your waters are broken.

So we did just that... while this was being done I was having slight contractions, but nothing I wasn’t familiar with already.

30 mins went past and unfortunately there wasn’t any sign of water again. So I went to sleep.

I awoke 2 hours later at 2:30, sat up and out comes quite a lot. I stupidly tried to hold it in until I got to the bathroom, using my hands as a barrier. I knew it was my waters this time, there was water everywhere and there was no way I peed twice in a row. Then, every time I moved, more came out.

Contractions still didn’t properly start until I was put on pitocin at the hospital around 5AM.

I was in so much pain almost right away and I got an epidural. Oh gosh, the epidural. The lady who did the epidural didn’t quite get the right angle and had to re do it three times. By the third time I decided I didn’t want to tell her she did it wrong again and I would suffer through the pain.

Why I did this? I’m not sure.

I also decided that today I would have a new phobia, catheters... I literally had four panic attacks in a row at the fact I had to have one if I was going to have an epidural. I’ve had some past experiences with doctors and this happened to be a trigger for one of them.

I eventually got it done, but dear lord was it a process for my poor nurse.

The pain was with every contraction and would only be in my left hip. I dealt with this pain from 8am until 8pm... it was not pleasant. I could feel my uterus tense up, my hip would send out pain waves and then the pressure in my butt started.

Usually the pressure is a good sign right? Well let’s just say it wasn’t for us. It was so discouraging

to go 12 hours and only dilate to 3cm. Jensen was officially stuck in my pelvis.

So the decision had to be made. Csection or a reaalllly long and painful delivery.

I was so tired already so we opted for the csection. Everything happened so fast after that.

They took my epidural out and gave me another medication in my spine to ensure I wouldn’t feel anything. They did this also 3-4 times and announced finally that I had a curvy back (which I had no idea of) and that’s why it was so difficult. Finally I felt numb and they quickly laid me down, strapped my arms to the table and brought my husband in the room.

It was surreal, I could feel them pushing him out and could feel the release of pressure when they pulled him out. No pain just pure numbness.

Then we heard him cry and seriously I haven’t stopped crying since. Such a beautiful sound after such a long pregnancy and labor.

Finally we had our son and he was just as beautiful as we could of ever imagined.

8lbs14oz, 21cm long and born at 10:35PM.

They let me see him for a quick minute before sending him off with my husband for cord cutting and they left me to have my stitches etc.

All I could think of was my son and how bad I wanted to hold him.

I was eventually wheeled back in the room, zero feeling to my legs and abdomen.

Then they handed him to me and my heart melted all over again.

Even though I have a road ahead with healing, I am so thankful I chose the route I did. I am recovering fast and although it’s super painful, everything was worth it.

If you’re going to have a csection and haven’t had one before just know that you are just as strong as the natural birth mothers and deserve all the recognition the same as any other birthing woman.