Okay, ladies. I need some help with this one. This is gonna be long, so get comfortable.

Let me give you some background information first. My fiancé and I have been together since middle school (going on 9 years in January). We’re 20 years old, have been living together for 3 years, TTC for 19 months. In the time we’ve been together, he and his brother (we’ll call him Don) have been put in foster care twice. The parents (we’ll call them Jan and Dan) have always had drug problems but for the last three years, as far as we knew, they’ve only smoked weed. The boys grew up very poor because of this and rarely had food, water, or electricity.

Flash forward to 2017 when my fiancé moved in with me and my grandmother and Don joined the military. We got our own place in 2018. The past three years we have only heard from his parents when they were asking us for money. They haven’t held a job for more than 2 months in the past year and have been living (rent free) in a hotel for the last 3. Don has been financially supporting them his entire adult life with us occasionally pitching in when we’ve had the money to spare.

Flash forward again to two days ago when Don called us up. He let us know that he had given Jan and Dan over $900 in the past two weeks which was a surprise to us since we had also given them $200 (they had reached out and said they didn’t want to ask Don but that they hadn’t eaten in days and needed groceries and necessities). Keep in line they live rent free and don’t have a car or utilities. Their only expenses are food and personal hygiene products. Don also told us that Dan had mentioned they were being evicted from their hotel room because they had failed three separate drug test for heroin. Jan and Dan swear they’ve not done anything but smoke weed in two years.

Yesterday, they called asking to move in with us. We found a place for their dog since we can’t have pets, cleaned out what had been set up for a nursery since our miscarriage, and drove an hour to help them pack and pick them up. When we got there, the place was CRAWLING in roaches. I’m talking the floor looked like it was moving. They were very skinny (not normal for them), agitated, and hectic. Coming from a family of drug abusers, it didn’t look good to me.

Now for the advice part. We are 20 years old and barely able to care for ourselves financially. Now Dan and Jan have moved in and we’re responsible for them as well. Don is being deployed in October for 8 months so they have no other place to go. How long should we allow them to stay? How do I make sure they’re not doing drugs in my home? How do I ensure we don’t get roaches from their belongings (which are still in a truck at the moment)? Lastly, how do I navigate the situation without putting strain on my relationship with my fiancé?

Am I wrong for being annoyed at the situation or wanting to keep a close eye on them? My fiancé is very adamant on not “treating them like children” but I do not trust them to be alone in my home and we are paying for everything at the moment. I’m in between jobs and feel as though I shouldn’t get one until they’re out of our home because I don’t trust them here without one of us present. I’m afraid they’ll bring in drugs or steal from us (they have stolen from my fiancé and Don before to pawn items when they couldn’t afford their habits). I also do not feel like we can continue to TTC with his parents in the home which is absolutely breaking my heart.

Any advice is highly appreciated. I feel like I’m going crazy with all the stress.

Anyone else?

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